This morning I popped a peach & raspberry galette into the oven at my parents' home. While it was cooking a social worker from mom's home health team arrived. He sat down and asked her an array of questions to make sure her physical, mental, and emotional needs are being provided for. A one time assessment.
Before beginning a series of yes or no questions, he asked if she would be comfortable answering the questions with her daughter (me) present. She was, so I stayed and listened. He asked her to base her answers off of how she has felt in the last week.
Do you feel like you have someone you can talk to and confide your feelings to?
Are you in pain?
Do you have feelings of helplessness?
Are you happy?
A few of his questions, and her answers, were so poignant to me
Do you feel that others have it better than you?
Her answer . . . . No.
Do you think that life is wonderful?
Her answer . . . . Yes.
I'm glad I was looking down, because my eyes welled up with tears. If you could see her, the pain/discomfort she experiences daily around the clock, her lack of mobility, her body literally bruised and broken, the lack of energy / physical ability that keeps her from enjoying her former hobbies/interests/delights . . . . and yet, through her discomfort, with a tiny smile she answers, "yes, life is wonderful."
Just last night dad told me of their visits to the cancer center and the amount of suffering they witness in waiting rooms and halls. His emotions could not be constrained because they both observe and live that suffering at the same time. The doctor asks mom to share how she is doing. "Okay. I don't have it any worse than the people I see out there." My dad is flabbergasted. I'm confused.
What does she see that we don't see? Doesn't she see herself?
And the answer is no. She doesn't see herself.
She looks outward with compassionate and Christlike eyes.
She always has.
Someone who knows of mom's situation (and went through the same thing with his own wife) recently shared with us, "Pain and suffering is inevitable. Misery is a choice. What a wonderful gift she is giving your family as she endures this suffering -- she is saving you from additional worry and misery." Always selfless. She will never let on to all that she battles inside.
I am so thankful for her incredible example. How did I get so lucky to have this angel of a woman placed in my life since birth? I know that I cannot measure up to her. (I'll admit that I can get a little fiesty & just plain ticked about all of this).
I only hope that I can observe & learn from her. And that is my (selfish) prayer and wish . . . . more time to learn.
getting cozy with blankets. In August.
watching mom sleep. lots of thoughts stirring in this head
the walker - never take a step without it
