I'm not sure how to start writing about mom's funeral. Both the happening and the looking back all feels so surreal. In the time since then, saying or thinking the words "mom's funeral" brings a pain to my heart. As if those words bring to my face the reality that it happened. That being said, it was a hard but beautiful day.
We woke up early that Monday morning and went to the chapel for a private family viewing. Mom looked so good. So good. She looked like herself. While it hurt, dad was so pleased to see her.
Myself, my sister-in-law Heidi, and Sandi (mom's best friend) had dressed her the day before, applied her make-up, and brought her favorite wig. In that experience, that hour spent with mom and the drive to the funeral home, I feel like I felt & learned so much about the nature of our spirits.
We filled the Relief Society room with family. Her children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, in-laws. A few thoughts & memories were shared.
Scott was asked to give the family prayer. It was absolutely beautiful. If there was ever a prayer in my life that I would have liked to be recorded, that was it. It was full of love, recognition for the wonderful person mom is, comfort, and hope for our reunion with her.
I got to attend to one final act for my mom before they closed the casket and that moment nearly brought me to my knees. I made it through, sobbing, and Scott was right there to grab my hand, lead me to the side of the room, and pull me close.
With the pallbearers and casket leading, my dad & his escorts (Anna & Carlee) immediately behind, we filed out of the room and down the hallway to the chapel. Without a doubt this was the hardest walk of my life. I could not catch my breath. Playing over & over in my mind this strange, unwanted reality, "I'm walking into my mom's funeral" took my breath away and I found myself gasping for air.
We sat down in our reserved family rows with 6 minutes to spare before the meeting began. And I used those 6 minutes to practice breathing exercises because I was going to have to face this congregation and speak very soon.
Sam, the bishop of the ward, conducted the meeting for his mother's funeral. We sang "Lead, Kindly Light". And then he read a message that my dad had prepared.
My cousin McKellee, who had spent the last month living with my parents and helping mom each day, composed a piano piece for and about Teresa. She played this piece and it was absolutely beautiful and moving. I plan to get a copy of her recording later this month to share.
I gave a talk about mom's life and her influence on all us. I plan to share that as a separate post very soon.
There was another musical number by a friend. A solo, "Come Ye Disconsolate". Then we had another talk by Elder Scott Dorius. He has been a friend of my parents, his wife served with my mom in the Stake YW Presidency, and last year he was called to be General Authority -- an area authority. He gave a great talk with some interesting stories, perspective, and counsel to the family including, "let people serve you."
The closing hymn was "Be Still, My Soul."
After the services we filed out of the chapel and drove to the cemetery. Carlee, Anna, and I rode with dad in one of the limo's. I never thought that my first ride in a limo would be at my mother's funeral.
So many people followed us to the cemetery and it was wonderful. Kent shared some remarks, memories of mom. All of the grandchildren placed a single white rose on mom's casket. Cole was super cute and decided that he needed to add his rose to the casket spray, so he shoved it right in. Alene followed his lead.
Finally, Mason offered a prayer and the dedication of the grave.
I ordered a necklace with the words "Happy Day" from Made by Mary. I consider it my birthday gift to myself. It was so meaningful to be able to wear this token for my mom.
Our family picture. It feels a little strange.
One of the fun touches that we added to the graveside services was the addition of a bunting banner. Sandi made several of these for the luncheon and she had the fabulous idea to hang one at the cemetery. So she & her husband went over there early in the morning and set up their tall shepherd hooks and hung the banner. It was perfect. Because as my mom says, "You can never have too many banners."
With it being fall, we are right in the middle of the nut season. On Monday, though, they shut down all operations at the nut plant for the whole day. It was touching to arrive at the cemetery and see this thoughtful floral heart from the "Andersen Employees". A dozen of them came to the services which was such a kind gesture. About 98% of my dad's employees are Hispanic, Spanish-speaking. I had 6 different women come up to me at the graveside, give me big tight hugs, and with much caring in their eyes share their sympathy in Spanish. I didn't understand their words, but I definitely understood their hearts. Many of these employees attend a church where on multiple occasions they prayed for mom in their Sunday services. So many people love my parents.
F L O R A L S
Each of the pallbearers and my dad wore a boutonniere made with a mini succulent, seeded eucalyptus, a fluffy grass stem (don't know the name) and a feather. If everyone else in my family was going to wear a flower I wanted one too, so the florist made one for me and added a white rose and lacy ribbon.
And now I'll just share a bunch of pictures of the florals because they were ah-mazing. Perfect. Beautiful greens and lots of texture. Just so elegant and unique. So fitting for my mom.
The two roses in the front were placed by Cole & Alene.
Gorgeous, right?
F A V O R S
One more special touch we added to the graveside service . . . . I was in the shower one day when an idea came to me. Whenever mom has a gathering she sends people home with a gift or treat. At her services we cannot do anything less! So I thought it would be perfect to pass out individually wrapped cookies & mini bottled water. I figured it would be a welcome treat after a long morning of solemn services. We got in touch with one of mom's good friends and she was more than happy to make that happen. At the conclusion of the prayer she brought out two French market bags (which my mom had actually purchased in France and given to her friends as a gift) filled with cookies. Anna, Carlee, and Audrey were in charge of walking through the crowd and passing them out. And just look at the adorable packaging. The pineapple washi tape is a reference to the last gathering that my mom put together - the Pineapple Party. Inside there was a large, delicious snickerdoodle cookie.
We visited at the graveside for quite a while before jumping into the limos and heading back to the church for the luncheon. I have to think that having these bright smiling faces around was a soothing balm to dad.
We had originally planned to do the luncheon at the house in the backyard. Mom designed the house & the yard for entertaining. We thought, what a perfect opportunity to use the space for what it was intended! On Saturday we set up all the tables & chairs for 60 family & close friends. Set out umbrella stands for shade. And Sunday afternoon Heidi, Bree, and Becca prepped all the table centerpieces in the garage. Then Sunday night the wind blew and blew and it was still blowing Monday morning (chairs were toppled over) and we made a quick decision to move the whole thing to the church. Scott & the boys were amazing and they packed up all the centerpieces, tablecloths, photo displays, everything into our van in no time and hauled it to the church. The Relief Society offered to prepare & serve the meal and they adjusted with the location change flawlessly. So so thankful for good people who just get in there and serve and help whenever/however it is needed!
P H O T O D I S P L A Y
Here is the photo display that was located in the foyer outside of the chapel. Warning -- all pictures after this point were taken inside the church building which is notorious for the worst lighting ever. I did my best with my iPhone and edits in Lightroom.
My uncle John (mom's youngest brother) made these frames for me (3 ft x 6.5 ft) out of barn wood from Lowe's. I stapled rows of twine to the back and we attached 100+ pictures of mom with clothespins. Sandi made the silk floral swags. Just perfect!
Each of her kids, daughter-in-laws, and grandkids wrote a note to or about her on a shipping tag and we added those amongst the pictures as well. I just love the 3 year old drawings.
She is simply a beauty. So much radiance and light, we can hardly stand it. These photos were a great remembrance of who she truly is, but at the same time they were painful to look at. We had a first hand knowledge & witness of just how much the cancer had taken away from her.
Instead of a guest book, we asked people to sign a tag, write a note, and add it to the jar.
I just love how the collection of tags & notes turned out!
Later, they moved the photo display into the cultural hall for the luncheon.
I had one more photo display that was intended for display at the luncheon at the house. It works out ok in the cultural hall, but up against the sisal walls it loses a little bit of the airy feel I was going for. I enlarged 5 photos to 16x20, affixed them to foam board, and hung them from a backdrop frame with cotton twine and bulldog clips.
L U N C H E O N
Again, the Relief Society was wonderful and so kind & generous to put on this luncheon for our family. Thank you, thank you! There was lots of great food & sweets and a fun lemonade bar. We had chicken salad croissants and lots of different salads. The thought of doing ham & "funeral potatoes" for my mom was just out of the question! Heidi and Bree prepared the table centerpieces. They made table toppers to match the banners. Heidi had just made 50+ gold spray-painted bottles for her parent's 50th wedding anniversary later that week, so we multi-purposed those and added some roses.
P R O G R A M
We made our own programs. And without a doubt, they needed a banner on the cover! :) On the back we highlighted a few quotes from her blog posts. As far as what to include on the inside, I came across the funeral program for Gordon B. Hinckley online and we followed the exact same format.
Like I said, it was a hard but beautiful day. And I feel like we honored her well. The best we could hope to do without her personally doing the planning. :)
Next up, I will post my talk from her funeral services. I know that several people have requested a copy -- stay tuned.
One last note . . . . If you are looking for a specific way to serve someone who has had a death in the family and is planning a funeral, one very meaningful thing you can do, if you have this talent, is offer to take pictures. We snapped all of these photos with our phones, but it would have been so nice to have someone who just went about the day capturing all the details, special candid moments, and posed family shots. When you are part of the grieving family, you kinda don't want to worry about taking photos, but you have to a little bit because it is something that needs to be recorded. So if you fall into the situation of planning a funeral and you know someone who takes good photos, ask them to help you. You will be so grateful you did. And if you're the one who has a great camera and skill behind the lens, offer your help.
