find joy in the journey

i would tell you

Mom, if I called you today I would tell you . . . 

. . . Conner just attended his first formal dance this weekend!  The prom.  He asked the sweetest girl in a very creative way -- you shouldn't be surprised that it involved Star Wars.  Haha!  So, I always thought that the boys had it easy when it comes to prom.  The girls have to spend so much time on dresses, hair, make-up, etc.  Well, I was wrong!  The getting ready part was easy, oh yes, but the planning . . . the planning! And trying to get a group of teenage boys to communicate and plan together . . . forget about it!  Let's just say there was a lot of mom-nudging.  In the end they planned a great double date and had a fantastic time.  Conner's date wore a beautiful, elegant, modest dress.  Conner was super handsome and a wonderful gentleman.  It's so fun to see him growing up!

. . . Then on Sunday night we had our Stake Young Womanhood Recognition night.  They have been doing this event for several years -- I remember telling you all about it when you were the Stake Young Womens president and connecting you with my friend Susanne (our Stake YW president) so you could pick her brain. It turned out really really well.  I had a lot of fun putting together some decorations.  Everything was pretty simple -- white with elements of natural greenery.  You should have seen me -- Sunday morning I was tromping in my flower beds, wearing my church dress, hair curled, and clipping branches from the olive tree.  Sounds just like something you would do!  Anyways, I think you would have loved to see all the creative touches.

. . . You know firsthand how busy it is to work in the Stake Young Womens . . .  From one activity to the next!  Such is the case for us!  We have a Saturday event for the YW in 2 weeks.  I'm supposed to teach a workshop on Stewardship.   We have a whole nautical theme going on with the word "ship" as part of all our workshops (friendship, worship, etc.)  Got any fabulous ideas for me to make it fun/cute/engaging?  You're always so good at pulling stuff out of your hat!

. . . And because life isn't busy enough, (ha!) I'm also speaking this Saturday at our Stake Women's Conference.  Eek!  Thankfully, it's the same lesson that I gave back in January at a Relief Society night.  With some tweaks and adjustments.  I have some added perspective & experience & inspiration that I'm putting into it.  Wish you could be here to hear it!  I know you would have driven up in a heartbeat to come listen.

. . . Scott started a new job!  He's been training for the past 4 months and officially started 2 weeks ago.  I know how much you worried and prayed for us.  Which is crazy, because you were dealing with much bigger issues. Cancer.  But that's just how you are -- more worried and prayerful about others than yourself.  Anyways, I know you would be relieved to know that things are working out.

. . . I got some new plants for my backyard!  Several months ago my sweet Oregon friends gave me a giftcard to a local nursery and instructed me to use it to get some plants or a tree that remind me of you, or a house plant like a fiddle fig leaf that I could talk to.  Good friends don't judge you when you talk to plants. :)  I went to the nursery a couple weeks ago and spent a whole morning wandering the rows and rows of plants.  I stopped at each one that has made an appearance in your many gardens and took a moment to smile & remember.  I gathered the ones that reminded me the most of you. (And that will grow in my dry desert - sad we can't get hydrangeas or peonies to grow here).  I had such a wonderful time gathering & organizing the plants, standing back to imagine it all together, trying to find the right balance.  It felt so good.  Therapeutic.  At one moment I looked at this grouping in my red wagon, and I had a rush of emotion -- a feeling of connection to you.  And that made me so incredibly happy.

I went home with Wisteria (one of your absolute favorites! It made me so so happy to find that at the nursery), Dusty Miller, Cosmos, Delphinium, and Dianthus.  Oh and some basil and cherry tomato plants too.

I have a morning watering routine, which I am loving.  Please help me keep them alive!

. . . I'm working on something special for your 60th birthday. You told me once that you have never had a birthday party before.  Well, I think that needs to change.  Our trip to The Academy France is giving me some inspiration.  Can you believe that was 2 years ago next month? What a beautiful adventure that was!

. . . The springtime reminds me of our mother-daughter trips because we usually went in April or May. I feel so fortunate that we kept that tradition for so many years. 15 or 16 years, I believe?  BYU Women's Conference, spa trips, Portland trips, spray tans, Broadway shows, The Farm Chicks in Washington, and to top it off with France!  I really miss those special weekends of exploring, taking way too many pictures, and trying new things with you.

. . . Love you.

youth conference 2018 // find peace in the light

In January I received a new calling at church - the Stake Young Womens Secretary - and the first BIG activity we were in charge of was youth conference just 2 months later.  Eek!  There were many, many, many meetings.  An exploratory field trip to the conference location an hour away from Las Vegas. A lot of unknowns.  And really, just hoping it worked out because we were ALL so new to this.

(Here we are on a scouting field trip to the youth conference location one month before the event. Mary, Dana, Melanie, and me)

But I have to say that it went off wonderfully!  At least that's we felt and many leaders and youth later reported that it was one of the best youth conferences they had ever been too.  Well, that is high praise.  We'll humbly take it!

The weekend went wonderfully and I hope all 130ish youth had a great experience - making memories, having fun (games, cliff jumping, dancing), meeting new people, serving (so many palm fronds!), feeling the spirit, and learning how to find peace in the light.

Youth Conference is typically a 2-day event for the 14-18 year olds in our church.  It can take a lot of forms but typically involves speakers, workshops, activities, a dance, and service. The purposes of youth conferences are to help youth build faith in Jesus Christ, strengthen their testimonies, develop talents, make new friends, and have fun with youth who share similar beliefs and standards.

 // THEME //

Our Stake Youth Committee (a group of 14 youth - 2 from each ward) chose the theme for our conference . . . . Find Peace in the Light. 

We had t-shirts made (love Custom Ink), and wristbands, and posters and pretty much put that logo everywhere that could be seen.

// LOCATION //

Youth Conference was held at Warm Springs Ranch -- a recreational area that is owned by our church.  I've never been there before but anytime the name was mentioned among long-time local church members, happy sighs, smiles & good memories were shared.  For so many, this place seems to hold a lot of nostalgia.  In 2010 it actually suffered much loss due to a large fire followed by a flood a year later.  It has been closed since that time and only reopened last summer.  

The facilities at Warm Springs include large fields for camping & activities, pavilions, restrooms & showers, and as you would guess from it's name, a warm spring that runs through the property.  The water is funneled into a natural lagoon and when needed, it is also piped into a large swimming.  Always a comfortable 90 degrees.

// SET-UP //

Here's a look at some of our set-up before everyone arrived!

There was a main pavilion where all of our meals would happen as well as some workshops.  I had this idea to print up a bunch of posters with quotes and hang them up around the pavilion.

I love the way it turned out!

I chose a bunch of quotes and scriptures about light & peace, following the Savior, and love/inclusion/friendship (since we wanted to foster stake unity at the youth conference).  Each poster is double-sided.  Thanks to the scrapbooking supplies I have on hand, I affixed an eyelet to the top center of each poster, and strung cotton twine through it to suspend to the beams of the pavilion.  This allowed them to twist and turn in the breeze -- a fun, simple visual element.

You can download a list of all the quotes right HERE:  Download Quotes Youth Conference

We also wanted to have a large visual display that could engage participation and be a focal point at youth conference.  This is what we came up with:

Now, what are we going to do with it?  I cut a couple yards of white fabric into 2" x 12" strips.  They strips were in a nearby basket on a table along with sharpies and fabric markers.  We asked the youth to write their answer to the question, "How have you felt the Savior's love and peace in your life?" and tie it onto one of the rays coming from the lightbulb. The hope & vision is that we would fill the rays with these feelings of love & peace.

That little burst of sunlight through the pegboard . . . golden!

Playing on the "light" theme we also found lots of opportunities to hang battery-powered and solar powered lights everywhere!  There were tiki torches, twinkle lights and when the sun went down it was pretty magical!

The check-in table . . . 

More lightbulbs around the smaller pavilion . . . These larger "posters" are so easy & cheap to make when you get an engineering print at Staples and then find a cheap place (like an education supply store) to laminate.  I don't draw or write anything by hand so I rely heavily on my computer & photoshop to design what I need!

Our youth conference was a Friday-Saturday, overnight event.  We designated one field for the girls and another field (far, far away) for the boys.  Everyone brought tents & sleeping bags and some even chose to sleep under the stars!  Here are some of the young women setting up their camp.  I love this golden light!

And the next morning as the sun woke us up . . . 

The 4 of us in the Stake YW Presidency all camped together in the same tent.  We were near a small pond and, oh my, . . . the frogs!  They croaked all. night. long.  It was cute for the first few minutes, and then it got old real quick!

Okay, now that I've gone through the general set-up . . . let me give a quick run-through of what we did!

// FRIDAY //

Everyone showed up about 5pm on Friday.  The goal was to arrive & quickly set up camp before it got dark.  We started with a yummy Cafe Rio style dinner.  Seriously good!  Our cooks were amazing.  They had to bring everything with them -- the kitchen, the food, tables for serving -- it was no small feat!  But we were so impressed by everything they did.  The food was delicious, always ready on time, and there was plenty to fill our bellies!

In the daytime

And at dark

Then we pulled our camping chairs around a big firepit for a fireside.  The guest speakers spoke about finding peace in the light as well as the importance of reaching out to others around us.  It was awesome.

And ended the evening with a dance!  Two of our Young Men (seniors) volunteered to be DJ's and so many kids said it was the best dance they had been to in a long time.  Everyone had a great time.

(The pool is empty right now, but they fill it on Saturday when we're ready to use it)

 

// SATURDAY //

Wake-up!  Pack up camp.  And eat breakfast

Here is our lightbulb board getting some love

We gathered together for a short morning devotional.

Hey!  There are my guys!  It was pretty fun to all be at youth conference together!  Anna wasn't quite old enough (you have to be 14) so she stayed the night with our friends Kenzy & Micah who also had two daughters at youth conference and one left at home.  It was a lifesaver!  And from what I hear, Anna and Aliza made the most of every minute -- sleepovers are a rare occurrence!

Then we split up into 4 groups.  At check-in everyone received a colored wristband (yellow, red, blue, or purple) and that determined the group you would be in for the day.  It was a two hour rotation through 4 workshops -- 2 speakers and 2 team-building activities.

I didn't get to listen to either of the speakers but I hear that they were fantastic!

One of the team-building activities was titled "Stay in the Boat".  Melanie's husband gave a message about all of the resources and things we have available to us to help us stay strong in the gospel, to stay in the boat.  Then they did a relay race where an individual wore a bunch of swimming & water play gear (each piece represented one of those resources to help you stay in the boat) and the rest of the team helped get that person across the course.  As you can see it was a lot of playful fun.

Another activity was titled "Working Together to Avoid Temptations & Pitfalls".  Dana made this great tarp that was full of holes.  Each hole was labeled with a temptation or pitfall like, pornography, addictions, bullying, immodest dress, alcohol/smoking/drugs, gossiping, immoral thoughts/behaviors, choosing bad friends, and on and on.

The youth stood around the tarp holding it on all 4 sides.  A tennis ball (or 2 or 3) were dropped on the tarp and then their task was to work together to avoid those pitfalls and get the tennis balls to the opposite end of the tarp and successfully drop the balls in a bucket.  Many creative methods were used and it was fun to watch them work together and try to figure it out.

Success!  After they did this a couple times they also had fun playing with the tarp like a parachute -- letting the balls bounce & fly like crazy.  Note to self: next year we need real parachute games at youth conference!

Hmm, does Payton want us to play Whac-A-Mole?

In one last game, the groups sat in a circle.  One person was handed a ball of yarn and they had to tell something about themselves.  Anyone else who shared that thing in common raised their hand.  While still holding on the end of the string, the first person tossed the ball of yarn to someone with their hand up. And so on.  The last person to get the ball of yarn shared something about themself and the game continued, creating a web of yarn with lots of wonderful connections being made.

 

 Then it was time for our service project!  In the week prior, some crews had come to trim the palm trees around the property.  There are a lot of palm trees!  Those palm fronds were left on the ground and it became our job to haul them away.  With work gloves on the youth got to work carrying & dragging hundreds of palm fronds to a few locations where they were loaded into the back of pick-up trucks and driven to the dumpster.

It was a lot of dusty work but the youth got right in there.  It was amazing to see them in continual motion, like trails of ants moving throughout the property.

Lots of cute girls and boys hard at work!

Once the work was done, everyone was rewarded with a . . . .

. . . . ..pool party!!  Let the fun begin!  I mean, seriously -- how cool is this place!

They also filled the pool for us with water from the springs

But the lagoon was the real draw.  That rock cliff was all kinds of entertainment.

I think it's safe to say everyone had a great time!

As I watched the youth enjoy the afternoon I just kept thinking about the amazing memories they are making together!  What a cool opportunity! I hope they always remember this.

Our final activity of youth conference was a testimony meeting.  It was wonderful and we were honestly so impressed by the maturity and depth of testimony that these teenagers shared.  One of the best parts was when a group of 4-5 senior boys stood up first and made their way to the front to start things off. Setting a great example.  Good, good stuff.

The winds had begun to pick up during our meeting and we finished just as a few sprinkles fell from the sky.  Before everyone hurried home we gathered for an impromptu group photo.

This was the first official youth conference for our new stake and I think it went really well!  One of our hopes was that this would help create some stake unity and we did see steps in that direction.  We packed those 24 hours with a variety of activities knowing that everyone learns from & feels the spirit in different ways.  Our hope was that there could be something meaningful or impactful (big or small) that might connect with each youth in attendance. There's a lot they have to combat out there in the world and we hope they know & understand that they can find peace in Christ.  He is the light. 

"Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my spirit, and ye shall have peace in me." Doctrine & Covenants 19:23

Until next year . . . . 

neighborhood walk (and a pep talk on self-doubt)

This week I'm soaking up the joys that come from a walk in my neighborhood. The temperature is just about perfect right now.  Everything is green and growing. The air feels wonderful.

But one of my favorite things has to be all the people that I pass along the way. 

You see, in Vegas I feel like people tend to keep to themselves in their homes.  You don't see a lot of people working outside in their yards (everyone has a yard maintenance guy for that) or washing cars in their driveways. We run our errands, drive the carpool route, pull into our garages, close the door, and go inside.

But, I feel fortunate to live in a neighborhood where we have some amazing and very well-kept walking paths and trails.  They get used a lot by walkers, runners, moms pushing strollers, and people out walking their dogs.  I love taking walks on these trails because everyone is so friendly.  I can count on getting a "hello", "good morning", or wave from about 90% of the people that I encounter.  Now, I do initiate most of those greetings . . . but at least everyone makes an effort to make eye contact & respond!

I was walking today and the song "Who are the people in your neighborhood" kept running through my head.  Thank you, Mr. Rogers!

So I started making a mental list of the people I saw and even stopped to interact with today

the mom pushing a stroller with a baby strapped to her back

the bearded guy with a big dog

the man walking with a newspaper in hand

the woman with her push walker just outside the Senior living home and her little dog on a leash (so many friendly people come out of this home)

the elderly gentleman who stopped me to give a warning about water on the path ahead. He wanted to make sure I was careful and didn't slip.

the landscape workers who kindly & respectfully stop their blowers & mowers and step to the side when I walk past

the vibrant older woman wearing a tennis visor and sunglasses, pushing a puppy stroller, with a black & white puppy running circles around her ankles. I stopped to comment on how adorable her puppy was (a Shih Tzu / Poodle mix).  This sweet ball of fur (and energy) gave me loves while she told me how exhausting the puppy stage has been and I could tell the sweet thing was giving her a run for her money!  It was her first puppy -- her previous dogs were rescue dogs that were a bit older.

the man in his early 40's, running and sweating his guts out

and I can't forget to mention the little robin that made an appearance on my walk -- those birds are a much more welcome sight over the pigeons that try to take over the area.

Yes, I am grateful for this green & friendly neighborhood that we discovered in the middle of the desert.  A brisk walk on a beautiful day like this does all kinds of good things for the soul.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

PODCAST:  I listened to a great podcast by The Alison Show: Episode 44: How to overcome crippling self-doubt

Now, crippling self-doubt is not something I personally experience.  And I don't mean for that to sound cocky!  As you listen you'll hear Alison's husband talk about the fact that self-doubt is not an issue for him either.  I feel smidgeons of it at times -- but it doesn't rock me.  I love looking to others who are doing awesome things for inspiration -- that motivates me and I don't get stuck in the comparison trap.  You're doing awesome at your thing, I'm doing awesome at my thing - yay for everyone!

But I know a lot of people struggle with this so I want to understand it.  I loved some of the things she shared (I was taking notes on my phone while I walked!):

If you have made doubting yourself a habit . . . why? how is it serving you?

-It gives you an excuse - makes you feel like you don't have to put yourself in the ring

-When you express self doubt you are soliciting praise, acknowledgement, and support. (So many problems with this! Most of the time people don't say what you want them to - you can't write their script.  AND they aren't physically there all the time to say it. AND eventually that wind in your sails will die down and you'll be lost at sea.)

-We get to be indecisive without calling it fear. 

How to get out of self doubt (I always love an action plan!)

-Try to be excited for other people!  Adopt an abundance mentality.

-Know that you are enough. You hold value outside of your achievements.

-You have a lifetime of experiences that are building up to what you will be & what you want to do.  Don't discount any of them.

-The best way to dissipate self doubt is through action

-Always remember the people that you are serving.  When you do, it makes it less about YOU.

* * * * * * * * * * * * 

This morning I also spent some time in the temple. I love the quiet time I get there to ponder & pray and check in with Heavenly Father about things I need & want direction on.  While I was hoping to get a new idea, a new action plan, or new direction to take  . . . instead, the inspiration I received was, "keep doing what you are doing"

At first I thought, well, that's not helpful -- I need something new!  And then I quickly realized, no, this is incredibly helpful.  

To be told, "I see your efforts, you're on the right track, keep doing what you are doing . . . it will lead to good things with time."

That's really one of the best assurances I could have received.

My thoughtful sister-in-law shared this quote with me on Instagram and think it resonates wonderfully with this topic of self-doubt, seeking inspiration, and putting forth our best efforts.

You can accomplish anything you wish to accomplish. And oh, how very, very great is the need for you in a world of crumbling values where the adversary seems so very much to be in control.

I feel to invite women everywhere to rise to the great potential within you. I do not ask that you reach beyond your capacity. I hope you will not nag yourselves with thoughts of failure. I hope you will not try to set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve. I hope you will simply do what you can do in the best way you know. If you do so, you will witness miracles come to pass.

-Gordon B. Hinckley

DO SOMETHING // a girls gathering

One trait I think I inherited from my mom is the desire to gather people together.  For big things, for little things, or for no reason at all!  The process of gathering always opens itself to opportunities for creativity, learning, and connection.  Those are the things I thrive on.

While in Oregon I started a scrapbooking group (turned crafting group, turned hang out & eat dessert group - ha!) that met quarterly. I was also in a monthly Bunco group.  And we had a weekly playgroup. Then we moved to Nevada and life changed a bit, new friends needed to be found, and I was in the new position of having my kids in school full day (goodbye play group ticket).

For the longest time I have wanted to create a small monthly gathering for women.  Ideas have bounced in and out of my head for years and I've mentioned it to people from time to time, but I have never acted on it. I wanted it to be something meaningful where we could have great discussions and try new things & create together or explore cool places in the valley.  Trust me, I have LOTS of idea!

That desire to "gather" intensified at the beginning of the year as I thought about what I wanted to bring into my life as well as how I could share my light in 2018.  Coming off of a rough year, I also thought about what I needed to feel happy, whole, and purposeful.  Specifically, in following God's purpose for me and using the talents he has given me to lift others.  I started to formulate a plan and I began making notes, brainstorming ideas, soaking in inspiration and felt pretty excited about it!  But still, the doubts would creep in from time to time - you know the ones.  Is my idea lame? Is anybody going to care? Will anybody come? Will it make sense to anyone beside me? All the crazy thoughts! :)

Then one day as I scrolled through instagram I came across this post by Lizzy Jensen (love her).

@lizzy.jensen - Too many of us let the fear of what others think run our lives, and it's hurting all of us. I believe this is one of the biggest dangers of social media -- that we'll be brainwashed into thinking that what everyone else is thinking/doing etc is more important than what God is thinking about us. The scary thing? When we look to others for affirmation -- or even worse our purpose -- we'll never contribute the gifts or live the life that we came to earth to live.

Here is my challenge.  DO SOMETHING (I don't care how big or small) THIS WEEK THAT YOU'VE BEEN FEELING YOU SHOULD DO. Call that person. Hit send on that post. Quit that job, or start the other. Forgive and forget. In one thing, put away the fear of what anyone else but God thinks and do it.

At that time, I had composed an email with my big plan and it was sitting in my draft box.  After reading her post, I was confident in hitting send.

I decided to DO SOMETHING.  That I was going to take my happiness into my own hands and create this gathering. Another thing I learned from my mom's example was to just go for it.  Don't wait for someone else.  If you want something that is going to bring you happiness, do it - be the person who takes the first step.

So for you reading today, I also challenge you to DO SOMETHING!  If something has been sitting on your mind and your heart, be brave and take that first step. 

Okay!  After that long back-story . . . here is the basis for my girls gathering.

GIRLS GATHERING - THE PLAN

I emailed 12 women to invite them to join me for a monthly gathering, each month for the next 4 months (through the end of the school year). I invited 12 women knowing that with schedules & life circumstances everyone would not be able to make it every month. I'm not a fan of large groups for something like this, but I felt like this number would work great.  I picked a set day for the gatherings (first Thursday) so it would be easy to remember & calendar.  

I explained that my goal at each gathering is to provide opportunities to learn, create, serve, explore, and uplift. Each gathering would include a few specific elements:

• Creating or Exploring - Creating something with our hands, moving our bodies, or exploring new things & places
• Service - Everything is sweeter with service, right?
• Uplift - I always love the sharing of thoughts, ideas, and experiences that comes when great women gather together. To help facilitate that, each month I would suggest a short pre-reading assignment.  Specifically, a talk from the most recent Women's Meeting of General Conference.

Two weeks before the gathering I send an email to share the activities, service, and article we will be pondering.

GIRLS GATHERING - FEBRUARY

Yay!  Let's get this thing started!  

When the ladies arrived we started things off with a simple brunch - yogurt parfaits with homemade granola and warm scones with honey & jam.  Mmm!

I picked up that honey at a market in France almost 2 years ago!  It is the tastiest honey I've ever had.  The jar is just about empty and I'm trying to figure out how I can get my hands on more!

Then we spent a little time on some super simple Valentine's Day projects.  

First, clay hearts.  We used Paper Clay which is really soft & easy to mold with just your hands. 

That's what I did and went for a more primitive look.  I also printed "love" on little paper strips to be embedded into the clay.  It takes a couple hours for the clay to air dry.  Some of us (me) who were impatient went ahead and painted the heart with acrylic paints before it was completely dry.  It turned out just fine - but I don't have a pic of the final product so you'll have to trust me!

I found these ADORABLE templates for Valentine's Day Crowns at The House That Lars Built.  They were so cute!  And the perfect accessory for a group photo!

Then it was onto our service project! We put together freezer meals with the challenge to take your freezer meal home and GIVE it to someone.

To make this go smoothly, I purchased all the ingredients and did some of the big prep work in advance, like cooking & shredding the chicken. Everyone contributed a few bucks to the project and it was perfect.

We made Chicken Pesto Pasta Shells.  You can download the recipe right here - Download Pesto Chicken Pasta Shells.

Love seeing these hands at work.

And the chit-chatting going on as we all take turns.

Look at all those happy, beautiful women serving in the kitchen!

In advance we all read "Abiding in God and Repairing the Breach" by Neill F. Marriott.  We had a wonderful discussion of insights and sharing.  Just what I had been hoping for!

A couple favorite quotes

We are divinely designed to give love and be loved, and the deepest love comes when we are one with God.

. . . . Heavenly Father will help us love even those we may think are unlovable, if we plead for His aid. The Savior’s Atonement is a conduit for the constant flow of charity from our Father in Heaven. We must choose to abide in this love in order to have charity for all.

When we give our heart to the Father and the Son, we change our world—even if circumstances around us do not change. We draw closer to Heavenly Father and feel His tender acceptance of our efforts to be true disciples of Christ.

I also asked everyone to bring a favorite freezer meal recipe with copies to share.  Pretty great that everyone went home with a folder full of new make-ahead dinners to try!

Our first girls gathering was a success and I can't wait to share our other gatherings with you!

the poppy skirt

As a general rule, mothers and daughters like to shop together.  Right?

Well, most of the time.  I can think of a few instances, as a teenager, when shopping with my mom felt so incredibly long, boring, or painful. And I know that MY daughter feels that way with me from time to time!  Although Anna recently admitted that she likes to shop for clothes now so I'm thrilled we've crossed that painful hump. 

For the most part, shopping is something my mom and I enjoyed doing together.  Shopping for home stuff, window shopping, vintage shopping, and of course, clothes shopping.

Because of struggles my family endured throughout my growing up years and my little mind having a vague understanding of the tight budget, I never ever asked for clothes.  When we went to a store I never assumed I would get something.  And the idea of begging or pining over something was just absolutely foreign to me and out of the question.

That being said, my mom still found ways to treat me.  When she came home with a new skirt or fun summer outfit or hat (for some reason she sure loved me in hats! It was the 80's/90's.) it was such a thrill!

As I became a married adult and a mom, she still took me on shopping dates.  Each visit home she insisted on a shopping trip.  She would say, "I want to get you something fun."  Sometimes that would be something fun for my house and other times it would be something fun to wear.

On the clothes shopping dates I had to model each outfit for her, of course. She would smile & comment on how cute everything looked on me, sometimes steer me toward something out of my comfort zone, and always make me feel fabulous & special.  Thinking back, I realized that she rarely (if ever) tried anything on herself -- it was all about me.

Last spring as she was planning a party at her home (forever known as "the pineapple party") she was in need of the perfect floral skirt for the event. After much consultation via text & sharing pics, she settled on this beautiful skirt from White House Black Market.

So fitting that it is called the Poppy Skirt.  (She had named her new home where the party would be held, Poppy Hill)

I was visiting in early May 2017 when the skirt arrived at the house one day.  It was beautiful!

Right away she said, "Shannon, I want you to try it on."  What?  I was confused because I knew this skirt was for her and her special event.  But she wanted me to model it so she could figure out how the top would work and what shoes would be needed to pull the whole thing together.  My mom had lost so much weight in the previous 6 months of her cancer treatments that we were now the same size. Additionally, I knew that the shear effort it would take to change in and out of clothes just for fun was too much for her.

So I slipped on the skirt along with a shirt she had made especially for the event (a black scoop neck tee with a gold foil pineapple on the front).  When I came out to model the outfit, her face lit up and she said, "oh my goodness that is so CUTE!"  She kept raving about how adorable it looked on me and while seated in her favorite comfy seat at the dining table she fiddled with the shirt - tying vs. tucking. She sent me back to her closet a few times to search for shoes that might go with the outfit and in the end we came up with an ensemble she was quite happy with.

Something about the way she lit up reminded me of all those shopping trips we enjoyed in the past.  I didn't understand it back then, but now that I have a growing daughter of my own, I get it.  

To watch her grow and develop into a young woman . . . to see her wear something that makes her feel great and the confidence that comes with it . . . to wonder where has the time gone but at the same time marvel at what wonderful things are to come . . . to feel gratitude for the blessing of a beautiful, smart, kind, ambitious daughter who knows who she is and the joy that comes from getting to have a part in her journey . . . 

Can you believe that all of this is possible from a silly skirt and the reflection of dressing room mirrors?

The next day another package arrived from White House Black Market.  It contained the exact same Poppy skirt!  Mom must have ordered it twice, by mistake. During this time she had begun to have some memory issues, so unsupervised online shopping might not have been the best idea. :)  I began to prepare the skirt for mailing it back as a return, but she insisted that I keep it for myself.  It wasn't a cheap skirt, and with those habits of frugality of my childhood ingrained in me I had a hard time accepting. But she relentlessly persisted and finally I took the extra Poppy Skirt home with me.

She wore hers to the pineapple party later that month and looked stunning.

I've kept my skirt and oddly, never quite felt comfortable wearing it.  It's just a piece of clothing, but I felt like this was her special thing -- her big fashion statement at her last big party.  And I didn't want to encroach on that.

It has hung in my closet and finally, this Easter, nearly a year later, I finally felt ready to wear it.

And I felt a piece of her with me.

Her unmistakable sense of style.  Her poppies. Her compliments & adoring smile.

And --- she would be so so proud and delighted to see me wearing pointy toed heels!  Haha!  We used to have a debate about this -- she likes pointy toes, I liked a more rounded toe.  But as time has gone on, I've come around and embraced the pointy style. 

Once again, she was right!

pop-up birthday party

As you well know, I'm one of those moms whose kids are in school all day.  Been in that category for 6+ years now.  One thing that moms in that category often like to do is go out to lunch.  Mmm, mmm.  Grown up girl bonding time over a salad, tacos, or pizza.  And we especially like to go out to lunch when one of our fellow mom friends is celebrating a birthday.

A few months ago it was birthday time for my friend Katie so I sent out a text message to gather the moms at the lunch spot of her choice, Panera Bread.  But this birthday was special - her 40th - so I decided it was necessary that this lunch date included a little something extra.

A Pop-up Party!  

With some quick & thoughtful decorations from Target, incorporating her favorite color (green), and other personalized touches it was a hit!

Easy pop-up party elements

• Paper doilies as placemats
• Chalkboard place holders with personalized messages
• Tissue banner hung with colored masking tape
• Wood Monogram - also adorned with a strip of colored masking tape to keep the color continuity
• Balloons
• Cake / Cookie banner - made with kabob sticks, baker's twine, and colored masking tape.  Simply fold pieces of tape over the string and snip the edges to give it banner flair.

All of this easily fit into one bag and I was able to arrive early, hoard a group of empty tables, and set everything up!

I brought the cake stand from home and purchased cookies and brownies right there at Panera.  It served as a great centerpiece and dessert!

I found this darling lantern at Target and decided to fill it with succulents.  After attaching a ribbon and a tag with this play on words -- "40 does not succ" -- the glass lantern served a dual purpose as fun centerpiece and gift for the birthday girl.

The pop-up birthday party is ready to go!

Nothing too fancy.  We are in a Panera Bread, after-all.  :) But enough to make it feel festive, like a celebration, and give this birthday girl something to smile about. 

 * * * * * * * * * *

Inspiration for the pop-up party came from my mom.  She has done this party format on several occasions for baby showers, birthdays etc. Check out one of her Pop-up Baby Showers!

Okay, and now let's talk about a crazy coincidence . . . I'm reading over my mom's post and guess where they held their pop-up party???  

None other than Panera Bread!

Apparently that is THE place to go!  Be sure to plan your pop-up party at Panera!  

And if you want more inspiration . . . Here is another pop-up baby shower my mom did for my sister-in-law, Jessica.  This one was not at Panera. ;)

daffodils for mom

In October we visited the cabin and planted several dozen daffodil bulbs, adding to the large planting my mom had done 2 years previous.  

Since the new year, I've been planning to make another trip to the cabin during spring break.  Oh, how I hoped that by some miracle of chance the daffodils would be blooming during our visit! The weather at the cabin in the week before our visit was cold and snowy.  So I lowered my expectations.  But there was still a glimmer of hope.

Monday afternoon we pulled up to the cabin and what did my eyes see . . . . 

Daffodils!  They weren't blooming yet, but to see the green stems working their way up to the light filled me with such a thrill!

On Wednesday morning I woke up thinking about mom.  It was exactly 6 months since her passing. At the cabin it is easy to think about her.  Everything you see, feel, experience there . . . it just feels like a big hug. And she gave some really good hugs.

I went out to the daffodil garden and clipped the best buds I could find and gathered them in a mason jar.  Later that day we cleaned and closed up the cabin and made our way toward's my parents house.  But first, we stopped at the cemetery to visit mom's grave (my first time there since the funeral) and leave her with some daffodils.

The kids and I ended up sitting on the ground around her grave . . . the grass is still making feeble attempts to grow in that spot.  A simple marker bears her name as we await the completion of her headstone.  We talked about Christ.  The resurrection.  We talked about miracles and healings.  Payton, who had prepared our Easter devotional that day, shared the story of Jesus raising the daughter of Jairus from the dead.  We talked about trials and testimony and growth.  I also remarked on what an amazing circumstance this is that we would be visiting California on the 6 month mark of mom's passing, we would get to visit her grave on that very day, the daffodils were blooming, AND it was Easter week.  So many milestones and connections pulled together at once.

This Easter week really has been a meaningful time to think about the purpose death and the HOPE that is possible because of Jesus Christ. I believe and hold onto that hope with a firm grasp.

At the same time I will not hesitate to tell you how much I hate the fact that she is gone. At times I get frustrated because in my mind she should be here with us. I still need her. I miss her terribly. But I also cannot mistake or disregard the fact that I have personally grown and learned by leaps & bounds and my testimony has been strengthened & built in ways that may not have been possible, with such intensity, had it not been for this.  

Life is so hard and beautiful at the same time.

I'm trying to work harder on finding the beauty.  To seek out the happy & delights as she would.  Everyday I get on my knees and pray for her influence & example to guide me, and I pray that I might be so blessed to have the gift of feeling her presence near.  

Our Father in Heaven is kind and aware.  And I am so grateful.