Last Sunday I had the opportunity to give a talk in church on the topic of Obedience. Thought I would share that message here because it includes a cute story about Conner from my pre-blogging days. :)
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When I was a young mom with a toddler and a baby in my house, all of my time & energy was spent on keeping these little people fed, bathed, changed, entertained, and happy. Some came with a happy disposition, some did not. Through many, many tears & tantrums we worked through habits, routines, and rules in our home until there was more happy than sad. A big part of creating happiness and harmony in our home in those early years, revolved around teaching our kids one basic principle – to obey.
My mother-in-law gave us a little children’s book with a sing-songy phrase that was often repeated in our home: “If I obey, I’ll be happy all day.” Through this phrase, I wanted to emphasize to my kids that (in large part) they were in control of their own happiness.
You want to get a cookie from the nice bakery lady at Safeway? Then you need to be calm & not wrestle with me when I put you in the shopping cart.
You want to play at the park with your friends? Then you need to stay on the playground mat area and not run off to the creek.
When they obeyed, sure enough . . . it was a great day. And they were happy! Even mom was happy! Goldfish for everyone! And when they didn’t obey, well, they became very familiar with the drywall texture patterns in the corner of the living room.
Obedience is a principle of the gospel that is basic & simple enough to teach a 2 year old. And yet it is a principle we continue to learn & re-learn even when we’re 42.
Obedience is a principle that we learn and build upon throughout our lives, I believe, because as we do the work of learning through experience, as we are taught by the spirit, as our relationship with Heavenly Father develops . . . . our motives evolve and slowly move more & more in alignment with what the Lord would have of us.
I want you to imagine a horizontal line. On one side is fear and the other side is love. These represent our motivations for obedience. In our house we call this line the obedience continuum.
Now, fear is not our first choice when it comes to an appropriate motivation for obedience. But you know what, the Lord will take it over disobedience. It’s not ideal, but it is a first step. We are works in progress, trying to move closer to love on that line.
Somewhere between fear and love on the obedience continuum is . . . . reward. Obeying for a reward or a blessing.
Conner on his first day in Primary as a Sunbeam - January 2004 - age 3
Believe it or not, when Conner was a little boy he had a very hard time sitting still. At school. He visited the timeout chair a lot in preschool and in kindergarten his teacher let him stand at his desk because he just couldn’t sit in the chair. That inability to sit still also carried over into Primary. On his first Sunday as a sunbeam in Primary, he bolted out of his tiny plastic chair and rushed the podium to grab the microphone. When the Primary leaders wouldn't let him talk into the microphone he got all out of sorts and had to be brought to me in Relief Society.
So, to set up some patterns that would ensure future success in Primary, every week when we picked him up from his Sunbeams class we asked his teacher (Venetia Fields - love her) how he behaved. And we told her that we wanted her to be HONEST. We also had a family tradition at this time – every Sunday we would have German pancakes for dinner. On days that he did not behave in Sunbeams, he did not get to have German pancakes. Just a boring PB & Jelly sandwich. Within a few months he had completely turned things around, so that we didn’t have to ask his teacher about his behavior anymore. The reward of German pancakes made him want to be obedient in primary class. As we laughed about this story at home this week, I learned just how effective this reward tactic was. Memories of those Sundays with no german pancakes are still fresh in Conner's mind, as he grimaced over his remembrance & dislike of PB&J.
Again, obeying merely for reward is not ideal, but is another step. The initial motivation to obey may be to make your parents happy, to get the gold star sticker, or the shiny YW medallion, … or to look good at church. But the hope, is that when we choose to obey (whatever the motive), we learn principles of self-mastery, respect, sacrifice, diligence, humility, or a host of other attributes that can then open the doors for the spirit to reside in our hearts and teach us greater things.
The way that the Lord wishes for us to obey Him . . . is out of LOVE.
The youth theme this year is “If ye love me, keep my commandments”. John 14:15
Obedience from a place of love will change us. When the Lord asks things of us, however difficult it may seem, we can accept them because our love for Him enables us to have the confidence that he will make this hard thing possible. And when we obey out of love, we also have the understanding that He gives us commandments out of love.
So what are some of the blessings that can come from obedience? I want to touch on just two that we find throughout the Book of Mormon.
- Prosperity
Over and over in the Book of Mormon we read the promise, if you keep my commandments, you will prosper in the land. That prosperity was not in a monetary sense (although, sometimes that was a fortunate secondary blessing that the Nephites enjoyed when they kept the commandments). Prosperity meant peace, a lack of war and conflict, lands and families were safe, the influence of Satan was diminished.
Gordon B. Hinckley said: The whole story of the Book of Mormon is a story that speaks of the people who, when they were righteous, when they worshipped Jesus Christ, prospered in the land and were richly and abundantly blessed of the Lord; and when they sinned and went astray and forgot their God, they fell into misery and war and trouble. Your safety, your peace, your prosperity lie in obedience to the commandments of the Almighty.” (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley, 406-7)
- A second blessing of obedience is happiness
King Benjamin taught his people: And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it. (Mosiah 2:41)
The happy state that he speaks of will come when we obey out of love.
In Lehi’s vision of the tree of life those who clung to the iron rod were able to make it to the tree and partake of a special fruit. “I beheld a tree,” he said, “whose fruit was desirable to make one happy … And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy.” (I Nephi 8:10, 12)
These prophets teach us that if we are to obtain true happiness, or in other words, to partake of the precious fruit described by Lehi & Nephi, we must obey the word of God, or His commandments, which Nephi described as the iron rod. True happiness comes from the peace and joy we experience when we do that which we have been commanded to do.
Conner - January 2019 - age 18
Just this past week, Conner began the mission application process. A few months ago a young women left on a mission for Finland. Another young man has been serving in Indiana and will complete his mission the end of the month and return home.
For parents who have sent a child into the mission field, and for us who get to observe from the outside – it is pretty universally known & observed that a transformation happens over those 18months to 2 years – a maturity, a strength of testimony, a light & enthusiasm for the gospel. And from those freshly returned missionaries you often hear the words “the past 2 years have been the happiest of my life.”
Elder Steven E. Snow of the Seventy shared the following story from his life:
As a young teenager I wanted to experience the happiness these returned missionaries were describing. Now, I thought I knew what it meant to be happy. I had many friends, I loved playing football and baseball, and life seemed pretty good. I thought a mission would just be a continuation of these happy experiences.
Some years later I found myself in Hildesheim, Germany, as a brand-new missionary serving in the North German Mission. I had come into the mission field believing that missionary life would be a happy continuation of my teenage years. I was quite mistaken. I found missionary work to be difficult and exhausting. I was very homesick. My German skills were grossly inadequate. Small children and even dogs seemed to understand more German than I could. On top of all this, no one seemed to want to listen to our message.
I began to wonder what in the world those returned elders from the St. George Fourth Ward in Utah had been talking about. This was hard, and I definitely was not happy.
But like many young missionaries who had gone before me, a gradual transformation began to take place. I learned to study and pray in a way I had never known. I learned to be obedient to mission rules. I learned the value of hard work and consistent effort. Only then did I begin to understand what those returned missionaries had meant. I really was happy—the happiest I had ever been. It wasn’t the happiness I had experienced with friends on the ball field; it was the inner peace and joy that come from obeying the word of God and feeling His love.(Elder Steven E. Snow of the Seventy, Book of Mormon Principles: The Sweet Fruits of Obedience, Ensign January 2004)
I love that. That he found a deeper, more meaningful, and all-encompassing happiness because He was obeying God. He felt God’s love and approval because he was doing what God had asked of him.
Happiness comes from living the gospel.
President Monson taught: “When we keep the commandments, our lives will be happier, more fulfilling, and less complicated. Our challenges and problems will be easier to bear, and we will receive [God’s] promised blessings.” (Keep the Commandments, Ensign, Nov 2015)
