My mom was and continues to be a wonderful example to me. Her light and the lessons she taught by word & example, are still things that I draw upon daily to guide me through my own motherhood and womanhood. When I approach tough situations or I'm dealing with an internal struggle my mind turns to think of what my mom would do. And usually that is exactly the answer, comfort, or support I need to move forward. I know that my angel mother is still guiding me. I've been gathering these thoughts & experiences in my head since her passing a year and a half ago, I hope to share some of them here from time to time.
Look at this cute lady. This was taken in 1980-something. I was approaching kindergarten, Sam was a toddler, and Kent hadn't made an appearance quite yet. And my mom is dressed for work.
My mom was the ultimate stay at home mom. She loved being a mother. She excelled in that role. She had firm beliefs that the greatest work a woman could ever do was in the home so that's exactly where she wanted to be. My parents made the decision early on in their marriage to do whatever possible to ensure that my mom was at home.
Those early to mid-80's turned out to be quite a struggle for my parents. My grandfather passed away in 1982 and his passing brought with it a wave of financial turmoil that really wouldn't be settled for another 15 years. But those first few months and years were exceptionally trying. When my parents tell the stories of what they faced, what suddenly became their responsibility (and liability), all during their very early 20's . . . I can't. even. imagine. the burden.
They were beyond frugal, resourceful, and held onto faith & prayer. But there came a point when nothing was adding up and it was decided my mom needed to work. I don't know how that decision was made or who proposed it first. But I love the story that comes next.
After high school my mom was only able to complete one year of college before she was called home to help with her family. She had worked a lot as a teenager -- she was a lifeguard (and twice rescued people from actual, literal drowning), she worked in a burger & shake joint, there were babysitting jobs (one job in particular -- a week long job in the "basement house" - scarred her for life - haha!), she sewed swimsuits in a sewing factory, and there is surely more that I just can't pull out of my head at the moment. As an adult, though, she didn't have much experience outside of the teenage job scene or education to pad her resume.
What she did have was an incredible work ethic. And she was fearless.
Also to note, we lived in a very small town in the middle of the central California valley. The job pickings were slim. A job listing did appear for a hotel night manager at the Holiday Inn in the neighboring (even smaller) town of Santa Nella. Interstate 5 goes right through the middle of this "town" which is more of a truck stop than a town, really.
She applied for the job and in her onsite interview it was clear they were not interested, due to her lack of experience. She wasn't giving up that easily. Oh, no. So she offered them a challenge. "Let me work this job for one week, you don't need to pay me, and at the end of the week you can decide if I stay or go."
Fearless, right?!
The hiring manager agreed. What did they have to lose?
After 1 day on the job, she was hired.
She is my hero. What a strong woman! She knew that her skills didn't line up on paper, but she also knew that she could learn fast, work fast, and her family needed this so she was going to make it happen.
I have vague memories of this time -- like I said, I was 4 or 5. Because she worked at night I didn't really know she was gone. I have a couple memories of a family friend babysitting Sam and I late at night. I don't think she worked for the hotel terribly long -- just long enough to provide what was needed for our family to get through a rough patch. And then she was back home with us. And that is where she stayed for all the years I lived at home, for each of my brothers, and continuing into the years that grandkids filled her home.
Because of her example, I too, have made the commitment to be a stay at home mom. And it has been my greatest joy. I have loved being a stay at home mom to these kids. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
In recent months, though, we have also felt the weight of some burdens. And it became clear that I too needed to do something to help contribute to the family. I wrestled with this because so much of my identity & what I fundamentally believe regarding motherhood is wrapped up in being a "stay at home mom". And I will openly admit my immense gratitude that we have been able to even make this choice for so many years -- I know that it is not possible for everyone and the idea of being at sahm is a much sought after dream & luxury for some. The blessing of our situation for the past 18 years is not beyond me one bit. But one day as I was out for a walk, pondering this change, in the midst of creating my own resume & scraping the bottom of the barrel for experience & qualifications, and applying for jobs which was new, scary territory . . . .
This story of my mom suddenly popped into my head. I felt her resilience and resolve. And I thought, mom made things happen for her family. I can too.
And so I did.
I'm now working part-time as an English reading/writing tutor at a Title I elementary school. I come and go while my kids are at school so they don't even know I'm gone at work. I'm on the school calendar (yay - summer & school holidays off). I'm trying to adjust to a new schedule/routine, but we'll get there.
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A side note: This morning I learned of the passing of one of the sweet friends my mom and I made at The Academy France. Lynda passed away last night from cancer. Many of us from the group, myself included, had no idea she was battling this awful disease. I'm really hating cancer (I can go on quite a tangent) for all the wonderful women that it keeps stealing from us much too early.
At The Academy my mom connected with Lynda. They were both the grandmas of the group. Lynda had the cutest Texas accent and she was such a sweet, kind, creative, stylish woman. She was full of smiles, laughter, and oozed love. After my mom's passing I continued to feel her love through her comments & support on Instagram and Facebook. Even though I only knew her for a short time, she was just one of those women who felt safe and welcoming and easy to be with.
We attended The Academy 3 years ago this month. It is crazy to think that since that time, of the 12 women who attended, 2 have passed away from cancer. Life is so short and so precious. (And cancer is the worst).
Lynda is the cute white-haired lady smiling with her cell phone on hand, taking pictures.
Prayers and love for Lynda's family.
