Our cabin under the pines.
This cabin was purchased in 2013 by my parents with the intent that it be a place for gathering family and making memories. Mom and dad have put their hearts into making the cabin a comfortable and welcoming place for all who come here. They invested their time, blood (literally!), sweat, and happy tears into creating this beautiful space.
From the completely renovated kitchen to the beautiful decks and fire pit & benches built by my dad … the whimsical and welcoming bedrooms imagined and named by mom (you’ll find the Three Bears to the left at the top of the stairs and The Nest to the right) … every picture is hung on the wall with love and meaning …. there is our backyard friend, bunkie - mom likes to dress him up for every season … and the kitchen stone wall which mom and dad installed themselves (that’s where the blood was spilt!) and completed on Valentine’s Day 2014. To commemorate the day, they plastered a red heart into the wall and carved their initials in a heart on the exposed wall post. Such romantics! :)
My mom has hosted many gatherings with girlfriends there -- Daffodil Day, a weekend cooking class, a pie-making class taught by my brother Sam, snowshoeing excursions, cozy fall gatherings, and many more! Each year they have a Cabin Workday where the family gathers to chop wood, clear pine needles, work on projects, and deep clean the house. They take their grandkids there for mini adventures at White Pines Lake, Big Trees Park, and excursions to the old west town of Columbia. My cousin & her new husband even honeymooned there. My mom recorded all of the projects and happenings on her cabin blog - The Cabin Under The Pines - and on Instagram.
Mom and dad imagined this cabin, filled with family, as their heart and purpose.
As much as we hoped and planned for this to be a place where our families could retreat, relax, and make memories over the years (maybe even generations) . . . change is upon us yet again.
This week the cabin was sold.
In honesty, I've been terribly sad and heartbroken about it since I heard the news a few weeks ago. In addition to this being a place that we just love to visit, it holds a special place to us because it feels like my mom. Going there felt like a big hug from mom and since her passing that is something I've needed a lot of. I've made a point to visit the cabin 3 (now, 4) times in the last year. Her touches are in every detail, everywhere you look. It was one of our last tangible connections to her.
I always say that my mom didn't quilt, she didn't really scrapbook, or paint, or anything like that . . . . but she created homes. She created homes filled with an unmistakable spirit that left you feeling full, loved, and peaceful. In one of mom's homes, the cares of the world easily washed away.
When it was announced that the cabin was to be sold, I knew right away that I needed to take one last trip. I wanted to see and enjoy and soak it in one last time. I wanted to record the memory of it through pictures and videos. And I also wanted to sort through, and bring home with me, some family treasures -- pieces of the cabin that meant a lot to me. You see, the cabin was being sold fully furnished (furnishings, bedding, dishes, everything).
So the Thursday before Labor Day I took Anna out of school and we made the 500 mile drive for a cabin weekend.
I'm so so glad she came with me. She was helpful, understanding, bright, and in continuation of all that she saw/experienced with me during our many visits to my mom over her cancer journey . . . this was yet another piece of watching her mom lose something she loved and getting a peek into what these big emotions look and feel like. And how we can endure well through them. In my opinion, those are invaluable lessons. And because she is a 12 year old girl I know it isn't lost on her -- she keenly aware and attentive.
As we often do on road trips, Anna and I decided to listen to an audio book for the 9-10 hour drive to the cabin. I had been contemplating what would be a good choice and when my mind came up blank I put out a request on Instagram for recommendations. Someone (a stranger) came back with the suggestion: "Pollyanna - teaching about loving one's circumstances." Wouldn't you know it -- that book had actually been sitting in the back of my mind! And the comment about "loving one's circumstances" . . . . well, that felt pretty perfect for our situation.
We listened and we sure enjoyed it. And I know that the Pollyanna-personality gets criticized for being excessively optimistic and cheerful -- as if that is small-minded or out of touch with reality. But you know what, I found some great lessons in this story.
In the book, Pollyanna comes to live with her aunt after both of her parents have died. As a child, her father taught her a game -- The Glad Game. He believed that no matter what happens, there is always something to be glad about. The game came about one Christmas when Pollyanna, who was hoping for a doll from the missionary barrel (a collection of donations sent to the minister) . . . opens the barrel to find a pair of crutches. Her father creates the game on the spot, and teaches Pollyanna to look at the good side of things -- in this case, to be glad about the crutches because "we didn't need to use them!"
Pollyanna spends time in her new home meeting residents and neighbors and teaching them all to play the Glad Game. Later in the story, when she has been hit by a car and lies paralyzed in her bed, countless members of the community stop by to visit her aunt and recount stories of how their lives have been changed for the better because Pollyanna taught them to play the game. And even later, when Pollyanna is able to walk again she says that she was glad she was hit by the car and her legs didn't work, because it taught her to appreciate them more.
Multiple times throughout the story Anna and I turned to each other knowingly . . . this reminds us of Grammer. She looked for the happy in each day. And she taught others to do the same.
"When you're hunting for the good things you sorta forget the other kind." - Pollyanna
And so we entered the cabin with this thought in our minds. To look for the good things.
Anna and I spent the first night and day at the cabin alone. And then my dad joined us for Friday night. We soaked in every part of it . . .
We walked slowly through every room, pointing out the details, describing our favorite parts, and recalling memories.
In the evenings we snuggled on those comfortable recliner couches with blankets and watched our new favorite Netflix show, Victoria. (We have binge-watched many tv series there at the cabin)
We swept bat poop droppings from the corner of The Nest. That is pretty typical -- can't seem to get rid of that bat!
We cleaned up bunkie -- it looked like an animal has been enjoying some time in there -- turned the twinkle lights on in the rafters, and remembered the time that Anna and Payton spent the night in the bunkie. They signed their names on a paper "For those brave enough to sleep in the bunkie" and it still hangs on the wall.
We got shakes and fries from Giant Burger and brought them back to enjoy on the swing on the front porch.
I also took a nap in the hammock on the front porch while Anna sat at the table and painted with watercolors found in mom's craft supplies.
Dad took Anna to the Arts & Crafts fair that was happening for Labor Day weekend. They always had some kind of small town events & happenings for every holiday.
We built a fire and watched Anna play with her stick, spreading smoke signals. As the daylight faded we watched a doe and fawn make their evening walk through the ferns, just a few yards away from us.
We lit apple spice candles inside to make it smell sweet.
The bottoms of our shoes were covered with sticky sap -- the pine trees were dropping sap in unusually high amounts.
We made a trip to the nearby apple store to purchase apple cider donuts and one of their wonderful berry pies to enjoy at home.
We took a picture next to the bear on the porch. For mom. That was always her tradition. When someone came to visit the cabin she had to get a picture of them next to the cute bear.
Before the cleaning and sorting needed to begin, I spent an entire morning going through the cabin, inch by inch, taking video and pictures to record the memory of this place. I also took the opportunity to record my dad on camera, telling the story of the kitchen remodel, the heart in the rock wall, and the initials carved into the wall post. The whole process took over 2 hours and it was a special time to really take in everything with my eyes, paying attention to every detail, and recording those images not only in my camera, but also in my memory & heart.
Then, we began going through every room, every closet, every inch -- gathering the things that were important and meaningful to us. I gathered things for each of my siblings who would not be able to make it up to the cabin. Everyone got a piece of what was important to them.
One of the things at the top of my list was this framed cross-stich -- Our Family Can Be Forever. It has hung in our home for as long as I can remember.
But I didn't exactly know who had made it. I had my hunches. Maybe my mom. Maybe an aunt. Imagine my absolute delight when I took it down from the wall and turned it over . . . .
What a treasure! I'm so glad she wrote that note on the back. Thank you mom! This is something I always do and I've begun preaching to Anna who makes handmade gifts on a regular basis -- always, always, always write your name on the things that you create.
We had a good visit at the cabin. Just enjoying it. But at the same time I was trying to push the thought of leaving it out of my mind.
When it got close to the end, I could feel a heaviness & tightening in my chest. I remember mopping the kitchen floor, head down, trying to hold back tears as that feeling of loss was beginning to take over. Then my dad walked into the kitchen teary-eyed, red in the face, and full of heavy emotion. I walked over to hug him and just held on for a while.
This is hard for everyone.
Change is hard when it is out of your control. And it is also hard when you're the one making the decisions.
Then he invited Anna and I to join him in the bedroom for a prayer. We knelt around the bed and he offered a prayer of thanks for the memories and joy we have found in the cabin. A prayer of remembrance for all that mom created there for us. A prayer of love -- our deep love for her and a request that we can feel her love carry us through our lives. And a blessing, a hope that the new owners will feel & enjoy the spirit there.
One tender mercy in all of this . . . the new owners knew my mom. And when they walked through the cabin for the first time they felt that special spirit and were overcome with emotion as they recognized my mom's touches in everything. Knowing that they will appreciate and love the cabin in that way gives us a small portion of peace.
Then it was just time to go.
I will miss this place dearly. The comfort I felt there was unmatched. I found that when our family visited the cabin we were able to completely relax and detach from distractions like no place else. There is a certain magic and power there that is unmistakable. My mom is in every detail and we felt her love, her attention, and her care there. Because she - and my dad - prepared this place for us. Everything she did was with the happiness of others in mind.
. . . . . I am also going to try to play the Glad Game.
I'm glad we had the cabin because it created so many wonderful memories for us.
I'm glad my mom had this place to tinker with, to plan & scheme & dream with. I'm glad it was a creative outlet for her as she designed and pulled together each room with things she already had or things that were gifted to her or things she found at estate sales. She pulled it all together beautifully.
I'm glad that so many people were able to enjoy and feel the spirit of the cabin. Not just our family, but also my mom's girlfriends, Relief Society sisters, and I will venture to say those who followed her cabin adventures online as well. Here are some of their words from the cabin guestbook.
Stepped into Heaven today! Thank you for a glorious day!
You are THE hostess to aspire to be. Thank you BEYOND for your love, your goodness & your spirit. What a privilege to spend time in this beautiful space.
Bless your heart Teresa! This weekend was rejuvenating and lovely and special!
Thank you so much. It was such a delight & I feel so blessed.
As it was in the book Pollyanna, I know without a doubt that if they could, people would line up to tell us what gladness, what joy, and what beauty they got to partake of because of the cabin. How it lifted their hearts, made them see things differently, and made their lives better.
For that I can be very glad.
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We visited the cabin in July 2016 and I made these fun little videos during our time there. They are extra special to me because this was one of my mom's last "healthy" trips to the cabin. She was diagnosed with cancer 3 months later.