Here are the words that I shared at my mother's funeral earlier this month. She was diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer in the fall of 2016. Although it was a terminal diagnosis we were filled with hope & faith and prayed mightily that her time could be prolonged. The doctors expressed that that was their primary goal in her treatment, and possible. Several months before mom passed I began to have a strong feeling & desire that I should speak at her funeral . . . whenever that might be. There were things I wanted to say that I hoped could convey the enormity of her strength, testimony, and courage through this trial AND her entire life. I knew it would not be easy. At all. But that desire carried me through. With much prayer and heavenly direction I wrote this message. The day of her funeral was so hard, as I described in another post. The moments leading up to when I would speak had me questioning whether or not I could actually do it. I felt like I was falling apart. Lots of deep breaths, support from Scott including the "I love you" message he wrote in the margin of my notes, and a father's blessing from my dad the previous day . . . and somehow I felt carried enough to stand above her casket, before an overflowing chapel, and read these words.
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Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. She will do him good. . . . all the days of her life.
She . . . worketh willing with her hands. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms..
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. Strength and honour are her clothing;.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all . . . a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. - Proverbs 31, selected verses
This is Teresa. My mother.
Over the past week our family has received an outpouring of love. Through messages, texts, visits, cards – so many people have expressed their love, admiration of Teresa. You have shared what she taught you and how you have been touched by her light. Light. That is a common word we hear when people describe her.
I have spent a lot of time the last 2 weeks thinking about my mom’s life and I believe I have come up with 4 themes that run through her story, and define who she is.
1 – Fierce love & loyalty for her family
2 – Love & testimony for the gospel of Jesus Christ
3 – Desire to create & learn & work
4 – Making it her goal & purpose to help others feel happy.
Teresa Anderson (back then it was spelled “son”) was born on June 2, 1958 in Mount Pleasant, Utah – a tiny town in central Utah. Her parents are Lewis Blain & Neva. Teresa was the 2nd child of 8 – the oldest girl and without thought took on the role of being an example , support to her younger siblings throughout her life. I think it’s safe to say they all looked up to her.
In her childhood, they lived a very simple life. Her father worked on a farm and dairy. Her mother was a homemaker. They tended gardens and canned & ate from the food they produced, her mother made all her clothes, and the first time she ate in a restaurant was at age 16 while on a date. She had a horse named “Buck” and she & her sister would get on their horses and ride into the hills and be gone all day. (When she tells this story she can’t believe how dangerous that was). One summer she built a treehouse with her sister. She believes that is when her desire to create began. She would also put together pretend parties. Just a glimpse of what was to come.
Some little known facts about Teresa – in high school she was a cheerleader. She also did the pole vault on the track team. She had jobs as a lifeguard, in a sewing factory, and at a Dairy Freeze type restaurant. Upon graduating from high school she attended Snow College for 1 year – she loved her experience there taking classes like design, and architecture. But when her mother was on bed rest with a pregnancy she was needed at home -- so she left college to support her parents. She was always a faithful daughter.
The greatest challenge of her childhood was the fact that they were always moving. She lived in 19 different homes in 19 years. She lived in many small towns across central Utah and even had a few stints in California – Gustine and Merced. As you can imagine, making friends was very difficult. The moves were often very sudden. She recalls coming home from school one day to discover that the house was all packed up. Her parents said, “If you want to say goodbye to your friends do it now, because we are leaving tonight.” She said she cried all the way to California.
That tumultuous move to California wasn’t all bad, because after moving to Merced she started dating Danny.
On her instagram account she likes to chronicle their dating adventure with the hashtag - #datingdan. Well that all began because she told her mom she would like to go on a date with Dan. And her mom told told Dan’s mom. And she told Dan and he got up the courage to ask her out (already having a big crush on her since 7th grade) and the rest is history.
Their 39 year marriage is one to admire. Through their example they have taught us the importance of being loyal, loving, and serving your spouse. They both exemplified this as they helped each other through cancer treatments – first Dan (6 years ago), and then Teresa. They have undeniable admiration & affection for each other. They are patient and strive to help one another fulfill their goals, dreams, and desires.
Teresa loves her family fiercely. Her marriage and her kids and now her 13 grandkids have always been of utmost importance to her.
Motherhood was her greatest joy. Teresa was a full-time homemaker and there was no other job she wanted more. With 5 children in the house, though, there was never a dull moment. She managed to keep it all together and maintained a positive attitude through
- broken bones, a near drowning, a tractor accident, a motorcycle accident, flooded basements, living in what my parents called “the rat house”, great financial strain, caring for her mother-in-law, a house fire, and 5 years as a bishop’s wife (during which time one child visited the bathroom & walked into sacrament meeting naked and another child [but possibly the same one] set off the fire alarm in the building). As kids we knew that mom worried herself sick over us, and as you can see she had every reason to!
She taught us how to work – There were always Saturday morning chores. When we were assigned to clean the backyard she said, “make it look like Disneyland!” in a cheerful voice.
She taught us to have faith. When I lost my pink prescription glasses she taught me to pray to find them. When Mason struggled with trials in his life she encouraged him to look at the flower that grows between the rocks and notice how much stronger & beautiful it can be because of the struggle.
She also initiated a lot of fun. She pulled out her giant video camera (the kind that sits on your shoulder) and we made a lot of music videos. She loved adventures and would often pack us up in the car to go to the beach for the day. A solo, 12 hour long road trip to Utah with 5 children was no big deal.
She wanted us to love each other. She was always concerned about us siblings looking out for one another. She knew the importance of eternal families and wanted us to build those relationships now. When I was little and she would drop me off at school, she would force me to give Sam a hug goodbye. (I must have been going through a “he’s touching me” phase).
The last clear phrase that Teresa said was 6 days before her passing. Most of us were in her bedroom visiting as we did during those last days. Kent was debating whether to call or text Mason to share the news that he and his wife are expecting #4. He had always missed the moment to tell him in person. Kent was hemming and hawing because he does not like to make phone calls. In the middle of us egging him, my mom leaned forward and clearly said, “He’s your brother.” And that was that. Kent picked up the phone and called his brother.
As wonderful a mother as she is, I really think Teresa hit her stride – her golden moment – when she became a grandmother. Or, as her 13 grandkids call her – “Grammer”. My dad says that she spent 60% of her time thinking about her grandkids . . . things to do for them, ways to spent time with them, preparing packages to send in the mail, how she could encourage their talents or teach them new things, reliving the last phone call or visit and eagerly anticipating the next.
She was always creating wonderful, memorable moments for these kids. One year she put on a cousin camp (again, because she wants to foster family relationships). Another time Carlee got to have some one on one time during Grammer’s Summer Sewing Class. She made holidays special with Easter Egg Hunts and special table settings & goodies for the kids at Thanksgiving. And for those of us who lived far away, we could always look forward to an Andersen Nut Co box showing up on the doorstep, filled to the brim with holiday prizes, candy, crafts, decorations, and maybe a few crisp dollar bills.
I always appreciate how she encourages the grandkids in positive ways. She often pulls one of them close to say, “Do you know why I love you?” Why? “Because you are kind.”
Mom brings beauty & the spirit into our home. We all know that one of Teresa’s passions & talents is design. She loves paint colors, and textures, and plants, and vintage things. It was very common to come home from school and catch mom in the act of moving the furniture around. She was always tinkering. On her blog she wrote: “I’m pretty sure I’ve made every design ‘faux pas” known to man . . . pink sofas, crazy wallpaper, wrong color paint, crazy furniture arrangements. But I also believe . . . I have learned from all these ‘mistakes’ – I hate to call them mistakes . . . I like to think of them as social experiments . . . How much will my family put up with.”
Aside from the beauty she brings to her home, she also brings a calm, inviting spirit. Over and over again visitors comment on how good they feel in her home and they don’t want to leave.
She was anxious to learn and to improve herself. From the time she was a little girl she looked for examples to learn from. She was influenced by an elderly woman who drove her to Primary when her mom did not have a drivers’ license – she treated them so warmly. As a young mother, she looked to other women in her ward for examples to follow. When she received callings to serve in Relief Society leadership she would often ask herself, what would the General Relief Society president do? How would she dress for this activity?
She has a creative soul. Creativity oozed from every inch of her body. While she executed & shared that creativity in so many ways, I know there was so much more bottled up inside of her there just wasn’t space enough (or time) to get it out. Even so, she found any and every excuse to throw a party or to make any ordinary event (like YW presidency meetings) extraordinary by turning it into a party. She finds her inspiration in everything – the seasons, a metal lunch box, a plaid pattern, a hat, daffodils, pie, a canoe, even the pigs that ruined their yard in Catheys Valley – each of these things became jumping off points for a celebration. She is always planning something.
She has a unique and clever eye for putting things together in new & different ways. She finds delight in the unexpected. In planning these services we knew we had to follow her lead. A sign in guestbook would be old & boring to her – so that’s why you’ll find a jar of shipping tags to sign in the foyer. Have you ever been to a funeral with banners? Probably not. But as Teresa says, “You can never have too many banners.”
She loved her garden. Planting, nurturing, and reaping the benefits of a fruit, vegetable, or flower garden were pure joy to her. The only time you might really see her upset was when her garden or home is being attacked by gophers, birds, pigs, woodpeckers, or deer. I know that the display of flowers today overwhelms her with gratitude.
She used her creativity to magnify her church callings, - she served in all of the stake & ward auxiliaries, as camp director, Primary Music Leader (a favorite), Temple Worker, and bishop’s wife.
She kept a blog for almost 12 years and used that to share her creative projects, her grandkids, bits of wisdom & perspective, and her testimony. If you go to her blog & type “testimony” into the search bar, 6 pages of results will come up. Her light is apparent as she writes about the gospel, her grandkids, or a cute table setting. I wish it were possible to quantify the extent of her reach, but I know it is vast. And she always uses her influence to share goodness.
Teresa spreads sunshine. Sharon Eubank of the General RS Presidency said: “There is an energy that comes from happiness and optimism that doesn’t just bless us – it builds everyone around us.”
The reason behind these celebrations and her efforts to infuse fun into ordinary things was that she just wanted to make people happy. That has been a primary focus & concern her entire life – to make people happy. It started as a little girl – she often worried herself sick about her parent’s happiness so she worked extra hard to be cheerful & obedient. She has taken her disappointments, worries, and struggles and turned it into compassion for others.
When she underwent radiation therapy her creative & compassionate sides kicked in. The exam rooms felt drab, very yellow beige, depressing – Teresa did not approve. So she began creating mini banners and secretly hung them inside the exam rooms everyday. She named herself, “The Banner Bandit.” I was with her at a radiation appointment on Halloween – That day her neck was broken but we didn’t know it yet. She was just in excruciating pain. Still, she made sure we brought along a trio of handmade felt ghosts with a chocolate bar tucked inside and gave those to all of her radiation techs.
Teresa is a hard worker. Her daughter in law Becca shared: "One of my favorite things about your mom was that she moved mountains. Nothing was too hard or too big for her to accomplish. When Kent and I were first married we stayed with them for a few months in between jobs/school semesters and I would come stumbling out of bed at 8:30 and she'd already cleaned the house, organized her closets, picked fresh flowers from her garden, moved furniture around, and was working on picking a paint color to change the bathroom up a bit. I was in awe of her ability to get up and get to work, no matter the day or situation."
This is how she functioned as a stay at home mother. She is strong and capable and efficient. She has lived through 39 nut seasons and during those long fall months when dad was not around much, she managed the family solo and took on that extra weight, allowing Danny to focus on work. I bet he never had to worry about home. She just did it.
The greatest example of her unrelenting grit came just two weeks ago. 9 days before she passed away we visited her oncologist and received the devastating news that there was nothing more they could do for her. The cancer had taken over her liver, treatments were no longer controlling it, and it would begin failing. When the Nurse Practitioner asked her if she understood all that had been shared, Teresa cleared her throat and said, “I want to work harder.” In a tender & loving way my dad assured her that she has worked as hard as humanly possible. She has fulfilled her part.
Teresa teaches & lifts & nurtures so many with her love and warmth. Teresa always teaches by example, gentle encouragement, but never makes it about her.
This year she was in the hospital on Mother’s Day. The Nurse Practitioner assigned to her came in that morning and Teresa asked, “Have you called your mom?” She replied, “No, my mom and I don’t have a good relationship. We don’t talk.” Well, Teresa insisted that she call her mother, told her she will never regret it, and gave a whole speech about how she needs to remember her mother. The nurse listened and left after her duties were done, and Teresa was discharged later that day. Two months later Teresa was admitted to the hospital again and assigned the same Nurse Practitioner. She recognized mom and told her, “I have a relationship with my mom now. Thank you.”
Everyone in our family has felt this same coaching & encouragement. Her daughter-in-law Bree shared: "Teresa taught me many things, one of which was to be more confident in myself and my abilities. I look back from when I first got married and joined the family until now, and can truly say I have blossomed, most of which under Teresa's loving wing.”
From her blog (3/25/17): "Every woman can bless the lives of others in countless ways when she puts into practice the principles of love, caring, and kindness. Little things matter."
She finds the happy in everyday. Even amid trial.
I think from the outside Teresa had a perfect life. She shared a lot of pretty pictures, she celebrated, she loved, and exuded joy. But she had her fair share of trial, disappointment, struggle, worry, and chronic pain (most people don’t know that suffered from arthritis for years). She simply chose to see the good in each day -- She looks for light and she shares it.
Most of you are familiar with her catch phrase “happy day”. She says this all the time and includes it in texts, posts, and emails. Teresa is “happy day”. She writes on her blog: “Looking for happy day every day does not negate circumstances that turn out bad or the feelings of sadness or anger that can follow . . . What it does provide is balance and perspective. You can always find some happy in a day.”
President Russell M. Nelson said, “The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.” She lived by this statement.
It can be easy to think that she earned the qualities of patience, endurance, humility, eternal perspective, and faith because of her trials. Elder Stapley said in October 1974 – “It is not in the great moments of test and trial that character is built. That is only when it is displayed. The habits that direct our lives and form our character are fashioned in the often uneventful, commonplace routine of life.” She gathered these traits through daily practice and when the trial of her life came . . . she simply shined.
A pure example of selflessness, Teresa does not see herself. She went about her life with Christlike eyes.
My dad took over her blog one day to write the following story: “Empathy during agony is a portion of divinity.” This is one of my all time favorite quotes from one of our church leaders. I share this because this quote reminds me of Teresa. Two days before she was diagnosed with cancer, Teresa and her sweet friend Sandi Pittson, assembled some care packages designed to cheer up the sick and discouraged. Then they set out and delivered them to several ladies. All the while, she was in dire pain in her back that we would later discover was a tumor.
A couple of nights ago, after receiving more bad news about her having to receive additional radiation in her head, we knelt together in prayer. Teresa said the prayer and I kid you not, the majority of her prayer was asking Heavenly Father to bless a sister in our ward that was having surgery or others that might be having difficulties. I knelt next to her in amazement. I silently mouthed the quote "Empathy During Agony is a Portion of Divinty"
Priesthood blessing -- Last November, when Teresa awaited surgery to repair the 6 broken vertebrae in her neck (damage that was caused by cancerous tumors), my dad gave her a priesthood blessing. He blessed her that through and because of this trial, and the way mom has lived her life she is going to touch hundreds if not thousands of lives. People are going to think more deeply. People will re-prioritize their lives. And people will evaluate their relationship with God and the church.
We saw that start to happen right away. She received a message from a blog follower who was considering coming back to church. Another friend said that she decided to take a step back from her busy life to think about what kind of woman she wanted to be and how to get there. Her example, no doubt, has touched every member of this family. Including her grandchildren.
I’d like to invite my 12 year old daughter to come up and read a letter that she wrote to her Grammer. I should note that she is following her Grammer’s example – she mailed the letter with a care package that included a mason jar of happy thoughts, and some other creative crafty items. She put it together completely on her own and without my knowledge.
Anna’s letter:
No words can describe how much I love you and how much I look up to you. Your example is the best in the world. You do so many things for others from sending care packages to giving gifts to your doctors. I have sat down so many times spending hours thinking about how happy you have made me and so many others. From thinking, you inspire me to serve others. The most mind-boggling thing about you is the many hard trials that would bring so many other people down, but you continue to shine like the stars making people so grateful for you. In school we have a project called the Living Museum where you research on someone who made a difference. If I could, I would have chosen you. You have impacted so many lives, more than you will ever know. They all changed something about themselves to become a better person by your example. My life has suddenly changed to service from you, now I have been giving nice notes to others and try to make them happy. I hope you enjoy my care package to you and that only shows a handful of my love to you and how happy you have made me and how much you have helped me. When I sent you an email asking what to do about a trial a friend was going through you helped me solve the problem, and now she is one of my bestest friends. She is happy now and has begun to be a smiling joy again because of you. I love you so so much and you mean so much to me. Thank you, for loving me.
I go back to the blessing mentioned earlier . . . Because of Teresa’s trial and the way she has lived her life for 59 years . . . .
.
Have you been changed?
.
Have you thought more deeply?
.
Have you assessed priorities?
.
Have you worked to come closer to God?
.
If you have done these things, then the purpose of Teresa’s suffering was fulfilled. Because of her selfless nature I know she was willing to go through all of this if it meant that we all could have a clearer perspective and changed hearts. In the first few days of her diagnosis I sat at her dining table when she said that she was willing to endure this is if it meant her family could be closer to God and turn their hearts to Him. She was willing to pay that price. I hate that she had to do that. But I am in complete awe of her selflessness, perfect love, and eternal understanding. Her love for us cannot be matched.
She is the most Christlike person I know. She has lived a beautiful life, and filled it with family and love.
If there are just a few things I hope we can take away from this day honoring Teresa they are-
-Find someone to serve this week. Make their day brighter.
-Give a compliment. If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it.
-Call your mom. Or grandma. She wants to hear from you.
-Pray with gratitude
-Most of all -- Please remember Teresa as the beautiful, vibrant, full of energy woman she was – like the pictures in the hallway -- spreading joy through happy day banners, warm smiles & hugs. If you haven’t already, take a look at them. That is our Teresa. That is our mom.
It has only been a few days and we miss her presence in our family. But if she is following my dad’s instructions, she is closeby watching over us and we hope that she can visit us from time to time. We are counting on her heavenly help.
I want to close my remarks with her words – and you can find these on the back of the program.
“Happiness is an attitude, a choice. I’m trying to stay true to the decision that I made when we found out that I had breast cancer. No amount of pain or misery could break my spirit. I know this is not my “life” – it is something I am passing through and I’m trying to learn as much from the pain & misery as I can.”
“I hope that I can learn from this trial and maybe gain wisdom, humility, and love. If nothing else it can help me to be a better person and have greater compassion.”
“I’m thankful for my life, and blessed beyond measure with the people who surround me with love.”
“I believe in the atonement of Jesus Christ, that through Him & His sacrifice, If I live to follow Him & His commandments . . . all will be well.”
Miss you, mom.
More than ever I am realizing that although her mortal life is over, she will be an ever present constant in my life. In my heart, my thoughts, my decision-making, the way I learn and look at things, how I serve. Everything. Even though I have finished my blog posts chronicling her passing, funeral, and this talk . . . I don't plan to stop talking about her. She will pop up in everything I do. She just will.