find joy in the journey

mother's day letter

Many, many years ago when I first became a mom, my mom made a request.  She asked me to make a few scrapbook pages about my family each year and give them to her for Mother's Day, which she would then add ongoing scrapbook album. It was the perfect set-up.  When Mother's Day came around I didn't have to guess what she wanted. And she received a gift that was meaningful to her.

After she passed away, I felt a little lost on that first Mother's Day.  What do I do to honor her?  I remember a small conversation with a friend one day as she casually listed off her errands and to-dos which included going to the post office to mail packages for Mother's Day. My heart stung. And my hands felt empty not having something tangible to give and no one to give it to.

Around that time I was thankful to glean some inspiration from Rachel Neilson, host of the 3 in 30 podcast. Her mother passed away from breast cancer when Rachel was 19 years old.  She began a tradition of writing a letter to her mom on Mother's Day.  In the letter she shared what her family had been up to in the past year, the highs and the lows, the things she was working on & working through.  It was a way to connect with her mom, to share the stories of her life as if she were speaking to her directly.

I loved it.  So that's what I did for Mother's Day 2018. And 2019.  Writing those letters has been therapeutic and meaningful for me.

While I was writing my letter last year an idea struck me ....

This is exactly the kind of gift that I would love to receive from my kids for Mother's Day.

So I came up with a set of questions.  Specific enough to give them direction, but broad enough to leave it open ended for their own varied, personal experiences.  Yesterday I printed up the list of questions and presented my Mother's Day request to the kids.

My hope, and request, is that this is something they do every year.  I would absolutely love to have a collection of letters sharing the highlights and learning experiences and goals of their lives over time.

PDF Download: Download Mothers Day Letter

I'm excited!  And hopeful for a real letter from each kids, but even if it ends up being a bulleted list, I'm okay with that!  As I pulled this idea together a few thoughts came to my mind that may also help you as you ponder on how you can get the most out of Mother's Day.

1.  Communicate what you want.  And that is not being selfish.  So much of our hurt and disappointment in life comes from unmet expectations, so let's avoid it from the get-go!  My friend Cheryl wrote on her blog about this perfectly - Mother's Day, not Martyrs Day

2.  This kind of gift - a letter - fills my love language which leans heavily towards words of affirmation (I also love me some quality time).  What is your love language?  What is one thing that your family or your kids could do for you that would make you feel super loved on this day?

3. My kids are older and we are long past the days of Mother's Day projects at school or church.  But I still wish for something personal or handmade.  Bath and Body Works is great, but there's not a lot of heart in body lotion.  A letter, on the other hand, clearly tells me that they have put some measure of time, thought, and care into this day.

4. Scott has always done a fabulous job of rallying the troops and putting together a great Mother's Day for me.  But my kids are getting older and within a few years they will all be out of the house, on their own, and most likely far away for Mother's Day. Just as I prepare them for adulthood by teaching them to do their laundry, or cook some meals in the kitchen, I can also set them up for success with a template, a place to start when it comes to caring for & remembering the important people around them. Beginning with their mom. :)

So I ask again, what is one thing that your family, your husband, or your kids could do for you on Mother's Day that would make you feel so very loved?  When you come up with that one thing, tell them! 

light and lessons from mom : make it happen

My mom was and continues to be a wonderful example to me.  Her light and the lessons she taught by word & example, are still things that I draw upon daily to guide me through my own motherhood and womanhood.  When I approach tough situations or I'm dealing with an internal struggle my mind turns to think of what my mom would do.  And usually that is exactly the answer, comfort, or support I need to move forward.  I know that my angel mother is still guiding me.  I've been gathering these thoughts & experiences in my head since her passing a year and a half ago, I hope to share some of them here from time to time.

Look at this cute lady.  This was taken in 1980-something.  I was approaching kindergarten, Sam was a toddler, and Kent hadn't made an appearance quite yet.  And my mom is dressed for work.

My mom was the ultimate stay at home mom.  She loved being a mother. She excelled in that role.  She had firm beliefs that the greatest work a woman could ever do was in the home so that's exactly where she wanted to be.  My parents made the decision early on in their marriage to do whatever possible to ensure that my mom was at home.

Those early to mid-80's turned out to be quite a struggle for my parents.  My grandfather passed away in 1982 and his passing brought with it a wave of financial turmoil that really wouldn't be settled for another 15 years.  But those first few months and years were exceptionally trying.  When my parents tell the stories of what they faced, what suddenly became their responsibility (and liability), all during their very early 20's . . . I can't. even. imagine. the burden.

They were beyond frugal, resourceful, and held onto faith & prayer.  But there came a point when nothing was adding up and it was decided my mom needed to work.  I don't know how that decision was made or who proposed it first.  But I love the story that comes next.

After high school my mom was only able to complete one year of college before she was called home to help with her family.  She had worked a lot as a teenager -- she was a lifeguard (and twice rescued people from actual, literal drowning), she worked in a burger & shake joint, there were babysitting jobs (one job in particular -- a week long job in the "basement house" - scarred her for life - haha!), she sewed swimsuits in a sewing factory, and there is surely more that I just can't pull out of my head at the moment.  As an adult, though, she didn't have much experience outside of the teenage job scene or education to pad her resume.

What she did have was an incredible work ethic.  And she was fearless.

Also to note, we lived in a very small town in the middle of the central California valley.  The job pickings were slim.  A job listing did appear for a hotel night manager at the Holiday Inn in the neighboring (even smaller) town of Santa Nella.  Interstate 5 goes right through the middle of this "town" which is more of a truck stop than a town, really.  

She applied for the job and in her onsite interview it was clear they were not interested, due to her lack of experience.  She wasn't giving up that easily.  Oh, no. So she offered them a challenge.  "Let me work this job for one week, you don't need to pay me, and at the end of the week you can decide if I stay or go."

Fearless, right?!  

The hiring manager agreed.  What did they have to lose?  

After 1 day on the job, she was hired.

She is my hero.  What a strong woman!  She knew that her skills didn't line up on paper, but she also knew that she could learn fast, work fast, and her family needed this so she was going to make it happen.

I have vague memories of this time -- like I said, I was 4 or 5.  Because she worked at night I didn't really know she was gone.  I have a couple memories of a family friend babysitting Sam and I late at night.  I don't think she worked for the hotel terribly long -- just long enough to provide what was needed for our family to get through a rough patch.  And then she was back home with us.  And that is where she stayed for all the years I lived at home, for each of my brothers, and continuing into the years that grandkids filled her home.

Because of her example, I too, have made the commitment to be a stay at home mom.  And it has been my greatest joy.  I have loved being a stay at home mom to these kids.  I wouldn't have had it any other way.  

In recent months, though, we have also felt the weight of some burdens.  And it became clear that I too needed to do something to help contribute to the family. I wrestled with this because so much of my identity & what I fundamentally believe regarding motherhood is wrapped up in being a "stay at home mom".  And I will openly admit my immense gratitude that we have been able to even make this choice for so many years -- I know that it is not possible for everyone and the idea of being at sahm is a much sought after dream & luxury for some.  The blessing of our situation for the past 18 years is not beyond me one bit.  But one day as I was out for a walk, pondering this change, in the midst of creating my own resume & scraping the bottom of the barrel for experience & qualifications, and applying for jobs which was new, scary territory . . . . 

This story of my mom suddenly popped into my head.  I felt her resilience and resolve. And I thought, mom made things happen for her family.  I can too.

And so I did.

I'm now working part-time as an English reading/writing tutor at a Title I elementary school. I come and go while my kids are at school so they don't even know I'm gone at work.  I'm on the school calendar (yay - summer & school holidays off).  I'm trying to adjust to a new schedule/routine, but we'll get there.

 

 

**************

A side note:  This morning I learned of the passing of one of the sweet friends my mom and I made at The Academy France.  Lynda passed away last night from cancer. Many of us from the group, myself included, had no idea she was battling this awful disease.  I'm really hating cancer (I can go on quite a tangent) for all the wonderful women that it keeps stealing from us much too early. 

At The Academy my mom connected with Lynda.  They were both the grandmas of the group.  Lynda had the cutest Texas accent and she was such a sweet, kind, creative, stylish woman. She was full of smiles, laughter, and oozed love. After my mom's passing I continued to feel her love through her comments & support on Instagram and Facebook. Even though I only knew her for a short time, she was just one of those women who felt safe and welcoming and easy to be with.

We attended The Academy 3 years ago this month.  It is crazy to think that since that time, of the 12 women who attended, 2 have passed away from cancer.  Life is so short and so precious.  (And cancer is the worst).

Lynda is the cute white-haired lady smiling with her cell phone on hand, taking pictures.

Prayers and love for Lynda's family.

teresa

"Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."

James Barrie

It has been one year since her passing. She brought so much sunshine to our lives and will ever be our ray of light, a wellspring of love to emulate.  I miss her more than words can describe.

s h e   i s   l i g h t

slideshow created by Payton

music written & performed by McKellee, Teresa's niece

two tickets to conference

This.  This is something pretty darn special right here.

I am holding in my hands 2 tickets to the Women's Session of General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints coming up in two weeks!  It is special for obvious reasons . . . we get to attend conference in the huge Conference Center in Salt Lake City.  A first for both of us!

But it is special for a few more reasons.  Let me tell you why.

When Conner turned 12 years old Scott took him to the Priesthood session of General Conference in Salt Lake City and a family tradition began.  When Payton turned 12, father & son made another trip to the Priesthood session of General Conference and many great memories were made.

Anna turned 12 last September and continuing with tradition we were able to score two tickets to General Conference and a trip to Salt Lake City was planned.  We felt so lucky to get these tickets because they aren't super easy to come by!

But then, my mom's health went down drastically, I traveled to California to be with her, and two days before General Conference . . . my mom passed away.  Obviously, those general conference tickets could no longer be used, priorities shifted, and our trip was cancelled.

As you might know, my mom and I had a tradition of yearly mother-daughter getaways.  We did 1 or 2 when I was a teen at home.  But we really started getting serious about these annual getaways after I started having kids.  It was such a treat to know that each year we would have dedicated mom-daughter time.  It strengthened our relationship, we went on some really fun adventures, it was a break from real life, and we were diligent in making sure it happened every year. 

Even as she was enduring cancer, we began planning a trip -- a fall leaves tour in Vermont the first week of October.  This mother-daughter trip would fulfill one of her long-time desires . . . see fall colors in all their splendor. Plus, through her illness we found that the act of planning, having things to look forward to, helped her so so much. I researched a bunch of fall drives, found all the covered bridges, scoped out the cutest New England villages, and even made reservations to stay in quaint little Woodstock, Vermont.  But when we reached the end of the summer 2017 and her health was not moving in a positive direction, we cancelled the trip.  

In September as I watched her body failing and slipping away from us, I was hit with the harsh reality that these mother-daughter trips had come to an end.  One day as I sat close to her bed holding her hand, I whispered in her ear while she slept -- I thanked her for all of our trips and experiences, and promised that I would continue the tradition with Anna.  Perhaps, even, we would go see the New England fall colors one day. When we do, I hope she joins us.  

. . . 

So these tickets you see right here are the beginning . . . no, rather, the continuation of something special. 

Mother & daughter time together.  Being enriched.  Strengthened. Taught. Coming closer.  Experiencing new things.  Looking for beauty and being grateful for it. 

 This will be a great trip!  I've booked a cute Airbnb on Capitol Hill, we're planning an early morning hike, fun meals, audiobooks for the drive, maybe catch a glimpse of fall colors, and of course . . . soak up General Conference!  - while writing notes in our new, beautiful, matching Conference notebooks by Work and Wonder.

hello 39

That's 39-year-old me.  And Cooper.  Oh, yes!  I forgot to write a post here . . . we got a puppy!  That should be a post all its own.  But, later.

Not many big plans on my actual birthday.  Pretty low-key because, you know, mom life. :)  Cooper and I hung out all day.  I went on a nice morning walk.  I grabbed some Cafe Rio takeout for lunch.  And enjoyed text and phone calls and visits from sweet friends and family.  

I have to say the highlight of my day was opening gifts from the kids. Scott told me a little about shopping with the boys so I was in eager anticipation to discover the results.  I have enjoyed a long history of interesting gifts from the boys.  When they were little the gifts were incredibly sweet and thoughtful and full of love.  As they have gotten older, though, . . . I often wonder if they know anything about me.  Really, the level (lack) of attention is quite astonishing.  And laughable!  I still tease Conner about the epic last-minute birthday card he wrote for me one year.  It was a single piece of computer paper, folded in half, and inside he wrote in pencil "Happy birthday mom".  The lack of effort was comical!

So it sounds like Scott gave the boys a pep talk in preparation for the shopping trip.   "Guys. For the next 45 years of your life, you're going to need to come up with thoughtful gifts for the important women in your life.  Let's start now!  Think about what your mom likes and what she enjoys doing and try to come up with a thoughtful gift.  And I'm just going to follow you around while you think this through."

I have to say, they did a pretty decent job!  Interesting. But decent.  I cannot complain at all.  And the cards!  They checked off all of my requirements -- longer than 3 words, and showed they had put a sliver of thought into it.

That being said, Conner did save his card-making for the last minute once again.  In fact, we had gathered in the family room with my gifts but had to sit there and wait while Conner ran into the kitchen to both WRAP his gift and write his birthday note.  No card this year . . . he wrote a note directly ON the gift.  Which is almost as good as the plain sheet of computer paper!  I unwrapped the gift very carefully so that I could preserve this goodness:

The gift:  Exploding Kittens

His observation:  Mom likes to play card games with us

The note:

Dear Mom,

I know I'm terrible with presents, cards and birthdays in general, but I'm trying to learn. I'm learning because I love you and I want to show you how much I do.  

Love, Conner Brown

Love that!  Love that he acknowledges his weaknesses, but the desire to do better is what totally wins me over.  Good job, Conner!

The gift:  Apple Cider concentrate

His observation: "because you like that kind of thing" ..... just wait for the note!

The note:

Dear Mom,

Thank you for HAVING FUN WITH US, and TEACHING US HOW TO WORK CORRECTLY, and who could forget that you PUT UP WITH US NOT PUTTING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER, OR DOING ONLY HALF OF A JOB.

Thank you for being a fantastic mom,  Payton

Here's some cider to make in the winter because you like that kind of thing.

I seriously had tears in my eyes, I was laughing so hard!  There are so. many. things. in this note that are just amazing.  The phrases in all caps, "teaching us to work correctly", putting up with them doing "half of a job", and "because you like that kind of thing" . . . . . hahahahaha!  This note is true and honest and I love it!

Now, Anna . . . she knows how to choose thoughtful gifts.  It is second nature for her!  In honor of our new puppy that I picked out and spend all day long with, she created a portrait of Cooper.  Isn't it great?!

She made it in Adobe Illustrator on the iPad (she has big dreams/wishes of getting her own iPad and the fancy illustrator pen -- right now she has to put up with my mediocre tools).  But it looks amazing!  She printed it out on nice paper and mounted it to an easel for displaying.  What a talented girl!

Scott gave me a gift certificate for two photo facial (lime light) treatments which was high at the top of my list, so I'm super excited about that!  Sun spots, be gone!  And, it will help me cross something off my 40 before 40 list!

hydrangeas from Scott because he knows I love them and (he may not know) they remind me of my mom

Here's a bit of truth:

This year my birthday felt heavy.  Leading up to the day I tried my best not to think about it (hence, no birthday plans).  You see, last year I spent my birthday holding my dying mother's hand while watching her sleep. And sleep. Wondering if we would ever get to talk again.

So yes.  That has changed the feeling of the day for me. At least for this year. I don't know that it will be this way going forward forever. You know how much I love celebrating my birthday!  And I want to be back in that celebratory place. She would want me to celebrate -- but for right now there are heavy things connected with this day.

This year I am missing her cheerful birthday phone call and a birthday package filled with fun & beautiful things perfectly curated just for me.  But really, I just plain miss her.

Last September changed me.  And it changed my world.

September has always been a time of new beginnings, which I enjoy . . . and now it will also be a time of remembrance.

diner en blanc // mom's 60th birthday // part 3

A party is nothing without it's guests!  As I mentioned in Part 1, we intentionally kept the guest list small and close.  I wanted it to be an intimate evening of celebration with those female friends & family that were closest to my mom and showed her nothing but love & support.  

 

Long time friend Ruth . . . . and Kristy - I'll never forget the time she came over to visit my mom in those last weeks and just sang to her.

daughter-in-law Jessica . . . . and mom's best friend Sandi. She has been an angel to our family through so much.  Always there, always supportive, always loving & honoring her sweet friend who was more like a sister.  I have a few of those friends who are more like sisters so I know what that kind of relationship feels like.  She was so great and allowed me to bug her when I was working out some details of the party -- my mom is usually my sounding board, so I appreciated her letting me talk through my ideas or get her opinion on things. 

Carlee & Anna - the two oldest grand-daughters.  Just 7 months apart in age.  I'm sure my mom had some grand cousin plans for them in their teenage years.

Mom's sister-in-law Libby and her girls Mikayla and Ashlee.  My mom was such a good aunt to them.  Every year she would snatch up the girls and take them out for a girls day.  Anything from pedicures & painting pottery to shopping & a movie to Disney on Ice.

Ellen & Bev - seriously about as sweet & genuine as they come

daughter-in-laws Heidi & Bree . . . they have been lucky enough to live close to mom & dad for the past many years and to enjoy all the gatherings & connection that come with that.

A few ladies were unable to make it . . . Jill, Nancy, Becca.  They were missed!

After the beginning course of charcuterie we sat down at the table and passed around cheeseboards to enjoy with our baguette.  I took the opportunity to welcome everyone and give some background on why a "Diner en Blanc".  I told the story of the first Diner en Blanc my mom and I experienced in France, the fun details, and the memories we gathered there.  I know that this was a party she had wanted to replicate someday. 

How fitting that we would all be there, dressed in white, celebrating my angel mother.  I know that she was with us.  I mean, how could she be kept from a party like this!  While our hearts were all heavy with the loss of this incredible woman in our lives, I truly wanted the overall spirit of the dinner to be one of celebration.  To celebrate her light in our lives.

When dinner filled our bellies and the candle centerpieces were lit, Anna and Carlee performed a little musical number.  Anna brought the ukelele on our trip, having just learned the chords for "You Are My Sunshine".  Earlier that day she and Carlee played and sang it together in the house and I knew that it would be the perfect  touch to our evening.  Many of mom's gatherings included special musical numbers -- singing, harp playing, violin music, etc. And I know that this was just one of the many ways mom would celebrate and encourage the talents of others --  giving them the kind of confidence that comes when someone enjoys & believes in you enough to invite you to share your gifts (whether polished or emerging) in an audience of accepting & grateful friends.

 

I then took several minutes to share some thoughts about my mom.  I stood up to speak and as I looked at this table of loving faces, glowing in the candlelight, my heart was filled and I held back the tears -- I told them, mom would be so proud of what we are doing here tonight.

She loved to gather people.  And she was so good at it.  She didn't wait for someone else to make the invite, she went first. She knew that connections would come from gathering -- our shared stories, sharing creativity -- and what a necessary blessing that is in our lives.

My dad (who wasn't able to attend that night) left me with a sealed card addressed to Teresa and asked if I would read it at her party.  I did - inside there was a birthday card on which he wrote a letter to her -- a touching and heartfelt birthday wish.  He spoke of their life together, their children, and how he misses her & looks forward to their reunion.  He wrote some special things about me -- that he sees me daily becoming more and more like my mother -- which I appreciated. It truly is the best compliment I could ever receive.  He wrote, "I believe when Heavenly Father decided He would bless our family with only one daughter, that He determined to send us an angel that would bring us much joy."  Opening this letter and reading it for the first time in front of a group of people -- definitely an emotional moment!

As I think about the brightness she brought to all of our lives and how I want to remember & celebrate her, there are several lessons she taught & exemplified that I want to carry forward

Make the effort to gather people for any or no reason at all - it's important

Add a touch of whimsy.

Love. Love more. Love with patience. Speak love. Think love. Love with your whole heart.

Keep your chin up, show up, dress up -- keep bringing joy to others, even when things are awful.  This is one of her greatest legacies that I try to emulate.

After I spoke I sat down and left it open to anyone who wanted to share anything that was on their hearts.  Several women did, and it was such a pleasure to hear them share about her.  I know that everyone has lost something - a friend, a mother-in-law, an aunt, a sister-in-law - and I was grateful that we had this platform, this special evening, to share some of those tender memories and feelings.

Because this was a birthday celebration, we had to end it with cake!  Everyone placed a candle in their individual bundt cake, I added some sparkler "60" candles to mine, we lit them up and sang Happy Birthday!

The evening was absolutely beautiful.  So many lovely women full of grace, gratitude, and love. My heart is full knowing they were in her circle.  

I love how they taught and influenced one another.

I loved having my daughter there to witness what it looks like when women encourage & support one another.  She never attended my mom's parties -- too young.  Here, she got to see what it means for women to come together, to be kind, to support each other, to be gracious, to be classy, to be refined.  I love that she got to see this modeled for her.

Happy 60th birthday to a woman full of joy, love, an eagerness to enjoy life, and to spread joy to others! And even though my heart aches every day over losing her, and the hole that has created in my life .... I am grateful because her beautiful life has made mine better. 

This special dinner was my attempt to follow her example and create something beautiful, because I know that is what would make her the happiest.  Happy Day.

More Diner en Blanc posts:

Part 1 - planning, invitations, set-up

Part 2 - table setting and menu

take joy in what your body can do

I spent the last week in Utah while my kids were attending EFY and soccer camp at BYU.  Let me tell you, the weather (while still warm) was so refreshing.  Especially those beautiful mornings and cool evenings. Ahhh.  Just delightful.  I love being outside and I love exploring (when it's not 100+ degrees) so when I picked Anna up from her camp on Thursday evening I already had plans for us to go on an adventure early Friday morning.

We pulled away from my brother-in-law Randy's home at 6:30am and made our way up Little Cottonwood Canyon.  We drove past the ski resort where Anna officially gave up skiing a few years ago (ha!), stopped at a pay booth, exchanged $6 for a day pass & a map and made our way up the gravel road.  

Then . . . . the beauty unfolded before our eyes.  Wildflowers everywhere!

We stopped on the road so I could take a video from my car window. I could not believe it was real!  Surely someone had come along and scattered wildflower seeds - this doesn't happen naturally, I thought.  But, oh yes, it does!

We parked at the Albion Basin Campground at 7:30am and began the short 1 mile hike to Cecret Lake.  All along the trail I was amazed over and over again by the colorful display of wildflowers, the towering mountains, the trickling streams . . . so many times I paused, let me eyes soak it all in, and let out a "wow." 

We found the hidden lake and sat down on a jetty of rocks and enjoyed a snack of fresh cherries.  Such a wonderful, peaceful view. On the return hike I made it my mission to snap a picture of every variety of wildflower that we encountered.  I warned Anna of this on the hike up, so she was fully prepared and patient with me.  What a good girl!

As we walked I found myself filled with so much gratitude for this beautiful, natural world.  It filled me with such joy!  I was also overcome with gratitude for my body and what it enables me to do and experience.  I know that a healthy, strong, capable body is a wonderful gift and treasure.

Without any effort, my thoughts turned to my mom

... how much she would have loved these sights

... how she would have stopped to take pictures of every wildflower, just as I was doing!

... how she would have found joy in the adventure -- I can picture her smiling face, encouraging us to look there or imagine this or challenge Anna to a contest of some sort.

It also made me think of the times when an adventure was out of the question for her, because her body was so broken, beaten down, and frail.  I remember when she longed to visit the ocean or the cabin, but good days were rare and the process of getting her in the car and keeping her comfortable on the long drive was an impossibility.

Watching her go through that, and seeing her unable to satisfy her appetite for exploring, doing, and moving has really changed my perspective on this physical body.  It has given me so much appreciation for it.  

And it has given me a great desire to use it.  To do things that will

... strengthen it

... bring me happiness & joy

... provide experiences & memories

... and help others

This body, my health, my strength, my ability to walk, jump, run, explore is such a gift and I don't want to neglect it.

Being out in nature, moving my body, taking in all of this beauty and thinking of my mom's exploring spirit . . . my life, her life, the wonder and gift of it all -- it brought me to tears.  And Anna was right there to hold my hand. I'm so glad that I have her.  I feel like I honor mom when I enjoy life and when I use my body for all it was intended -- to do good and to feel joy.

Let us take joy in what our bodies can do and all they allow us to experience.

 

diner en blanc // mom's 60th birthday // part 2

It's time to share everything from the Diner en Blanc celebrating my mom's 60th birthday!  I've considered a dozen different ways to organize this post (so much to share!) and I think I've settled on splitting it into 3 parts. 

Part 1 - the reason for the party, the invitation, and the set-up.

Part 2 - the party details.

Part 3 - the people, the program, and the evening magic.  I hope you can feel like you were there with us! Come along with me as I walk you through our evening!

As I mentioned in part 1, I had some great helpers who worked right alongside me to get everything pulled together.  Here's a little look before everyone arrived.

The table setting.  Almost ready.  Awaiting one final touch . . . 

White peonies & hydrangeas on the food table, overlooking the hills.

                                                                                                   

S O M E T H I N G    C R E A T I V E

My mom's gatherings always included an element of learning and/or creativity.  She made sure there was something that the women could learn or participate in together.  From pie making tutorials, to daffodil planting, assembling care packages for cancer patients, to flower crowns . . . she knew that activating our minds & using our hands to create beauty invigorates confidence and feelings of self-worth.  Not to mention it's just fun!  And doing it side by side with other women creates lasting, meaningful connections.

In this spirit, we began the evening by working together to create a charcuterie board.  I provided all the parts and encouraged everyone to add something.

Here is my list of basics for a well-rounded charcuterie board

• Meat: peppered salami, prosciutto
• Cheese: hard cheese (Manchego), soft cheese (Brie), assorted sliced cheeses
• Fruit: grapes, dried apricots, pears
• Veggies: mini dill pickles, olives, cherry tomatoes
• Bread: crackers, crunchy bread sticks, toasted baguette slices.The fig & olive crisps at Trader Joe's are excellent!
• Spreads & dips: jam, fig butter (so good!), balsamic vinegar, honey

 

 

                                                                                                   

T A B L E    S E T T I N G

And now, the final detail for the table setting

My mom once wrote a blog post titled “The Last 3 Percent”. She quotes a book by the same title: “Much of our joy and satisfaction depends on the way in which we complete the last 3 percent of our responsibilities. That vital last 3 percent consists of three things:

• 1 percent is the final detail of work
• 1 percent is the way we feel and think about what we have done - our reasons, motivations and satisfactions
• And the last 1 percent consists of original and creative thinking in which we crown the finished product.”

This idea, this post has always stood out to me. And it has come up in conversations with girlfriends. It’s that final piece of creative effort, of intention, that takes a simple job from just being done . . . to being something memorable. Quoting mom:

“The last 3 percent of effort can make an ordinary, everyday chore into a moment of celebration. It is the wreath on the door, the remembered birthdays, it is the books and flowers thoughtfully placed on the nightstand in the guest room. It is the last precious moments of effort and thought. The finishing details give us the confidence that we have done well - that we have carried our work to the level of loving service.”

This tray of bread was one of the final details of the Diner en Blanc. As we wrapped these baguettes in burlap, tied them in twine and added a fresh spring of rosemary . . . I couldn’t help but think of that last 3 percent of effort. How a small touch like this, a bit of creative intention, would seal my efforts of loving service. For those who would attend that night. And for my mom who would be so joyful over a detail like this.  It's in small things like this that I try to carry her example and legacy of making ordinary things special.  The last 3 percent.

I think this little detail brings me so much joy because I know that my mom would have loved it!  It's the special little touches that make a simple gathering beautiful.

And here is the final place setting.  I just love how it turned out!  There was a mini cutting board at each place setting meant as a spot to hold all the bread and cheese that would be consumed.  That is an essential element of a French-themed meal!

Sources

• White plates, goblets, napkins, & silverware - my mom's dishes
• IKEA - Small 10 oz glasses - VERDAGEN, small cutting board - PROPPMATT
• Anthropologie - small white latte bowls

 

The table's centerpiece was simple & elegant but with huge impact. I recreated the centerpieces that lined the table at our France Diner en Blanc.  I even messaged Heather Bullard to find out the source for her candles -- a shop on etsy.  They are just so beautiful and delicate.  The table was adorned with exactly 60 candles -- for mom's 60th birthday.  

I wrote a tutorial on how to make the centerpieces -- you can find it right HERE!

The girls helped me so much to get things going at the beginning of the dinner including pouring all the drinks. We served water from these glass bottles with stoppers.

And I kind of can't get over what a beauty Anna has grown into.  She's always been beautiful but that added look of young womanhood has really popped out this year, especially in recent weeks & months.  I have no doubt her Grammer would be squeezing & loving on her and just glowing with pride over what a kind, wonderful young woman she is becoming.

I found this delightful & tasty (and white!) French Market Sparkling Lemonade and Sparkling Limeade at Trader Joe's. My vintage enamelware tub was perfect for keeping all the drinks on ice and close-by for refills.

 

                                                                                                   

T H E    M E N U

At the Diner en Blanc that I first experienced, all 7 courses were white of some sort.  Oysters, cheese, fish, bread, white asparagus, etc.

I wanted to play on the "white" theme as much as possible and spent a lot of time planning out a menu that would be white, delicious, and with a few surprises.  Just the way my mom would do it.

For the first course we enjoyed the charcuterie board that we assembled together.  This was our finger food for nibbling while mingling about.

For the 2nd course we sat down at the table where we passed around platters of brie, gouda, and havarti cheeses to enjoy with the baguette.  Anna and Carlee continued their serving duties by dishing out the chilled pear and ginger soup garnished with a mint leaf.  This was the "touch of whimsy" that I knew my mom would appreciate -- a dish that was a little unexpected.  Everyone enjoyed it!  And the mini bowls provided the perfect portion -- just a taste.

For the main course I prepared baked lemon chicken along with an orzo pasta salad.  Both dishes were so so good!  I also added a chilled asparagus side dish and while I would have loved to have white asparagus, it just wasn't meant to be.  Funny, when we were in France they had white asparagus at all of the markets.  I have still never seen it here in the US.

The whole evening was truly perfection . . . with the exception of one little detail.  And I can't tell the story of our Diner en Blanc without this slightly nerve-wracking moment!  We all served ourselves to dinner, sat down, and began to enjoy the meal.  Soon 1 or 2 bees appeared, making trips down the table, annoyingly hovering over each plate of food.  Then there were 3-4.  And it wasn't long before everyone was swatting away a bee or two from their meal.  I guess they were actually meat flies or wasps, and they are attracted to protein.  Meat.  It was so bizarre because in all my time at my parent's house, and meals enjoyed outside (including a ham Easter dinner just 2 months earlier), we had never ever had issues with these pests.  It was even more odd because they made their appearance after sunset -- when have you ever seen a fly/wasp out after dark?  Anyways, I was nervous that we might have to move indoors - they were really that bothersome.  But everyone took it in stride, eating with one hand and swatting their napkin with the other.  Pretty comical, now that I think about it!  We finished the main course and promptly removed the plates & food to the house and wouldn't you know it . . . the flies disappeared and we were able to enjoy the rest of the evening in peace!

Our final course was dessert.  Sandi brought white chocolate raspberry bundlets from Nothing Bundt Cakes.  They were individually packaged which made it perfect to enjoy a few bites and then take the rest home with you to enjoy later!  More about the cakes in the next post . . . 

                                                                                                   

S P E C I A L    T O U C H E S

Almost everyone in that sandcastle photo was in attendance.  Just missing 2 ladies who were out of town.  

The photo of my mom was taken at our Diner en Blanc in France, just a few months before her diagnosis.  This is the vibrant face we all love.

My dear friend Paige sent the "happy" platter to me.  Just so perfect, it had to make an appearance at the party

A Happy Day matchbox.  A dish of white birthday candles and special sparkler candles for "60"

Oyster candles.  This may seem completely random, but they actually have some meaning!  One of the courses featured oysters at our Diner en Blanc in France.  This  was quite concerning for Mom and I because we had never eaten them before, and well - they are kinda slimy!  But we were brave and each chugged one down.  It was quite the experience!  While at my parent's home a few months ago I was flipping through some of my mom's cookbooks and entertaining books and stumbled across a DIY for oyster candles.  So random!  It made me laugh at first, and then I thought "how perfect!"  If you're curious, I wrote up a little tutorial on how to make oyster candles.

There were white banners . . . I had a lot of fun sewing these.  Some were made with white muslin.  Others were made from an assortment of white lace fabrics.  I loved the way the light filtered through them.

And as a special touch I put together a playlist of French songs for background music.  You can get listen to the playlist HERE on Spotify. 

                                                                                                     

Well that all summarizes the dinner, the table setting, and the special touches pretty well.  In PART 3 I'll share all about the magic of the night -- the people, the evening's program, and what this table looks like when the sun goes down and the candles are lit!   

diner en blanc // mom's 60th birthday // part 1

Earlier this month I experienced the most magical evening . . . . a celebration in honor of my mom.

When she passed away last September I was aware that several big milestones were on the horizon.  One of which was her 60th birthday. I decided right away that we needed to honor and celebrate that day in a special way.  It didn't take very long for me to know that the best, most fitting way to do that was with a Diner en Blanc.  

If you remember, she and I got to experience a Diner en Blanc on our trip to France in May 2016.  It was absolutely amazing and one of the most memorable parts of our trip. If she had not become sick just a few months after that trip, and left us a year after that, I am positive that a Diner en Blanc would have been one of her next parties.

In fact, she designed the long table in her backyard after the one we dined on in the shadowof a 13th century Chateau.  Her table, built by my dad, resting on a carpet of pea gravel, was an extension of the dream home she imagined in the rolling golden hills of central California.  I knew that table needed to be the setting for her party.

And what a fitting way to celebrate my angel mother than by gathering a group of her family and best friends, all dressed in white.

It felt completely right and perfect.

I spent months planning out the details . . . trying to create an experience that would feel like my mom.

And I have to say that when it was all said and done, it was perfect.  It was everything I hoped for..  It was beautiful in every way -- and a large part of that was due to the people who were there.  So much love.  We intentionally kept it small - family and her closest friends - a table full of women who loved her dearly.

I have a lot of pictures and details and more thoughts to share.  It's hard to know where to begin and how to put into words everything that was this beautiful evening. Watch for more posts.  For now, I think I'll start with the invitation.  And piece it together from there.

 

I N V I T A T I O N

I worked with a graphic designer in my ward - Right and West - to design these invitations.  They were so beautiful.  We kept it simple and classic.  My favorite part is the vellum overlay featuring a delicate white peony (my mom's favorite flower) and her signature phrase, "Happy Day".  I also slipped in a little photo of her taken at our Diner in Blanc in France.

 

S E T - U P

I had two of the most amazing helpers with me alllllll day Saturday to get things set-up before the party began.  I seriously could not have done it without them!  They were great at helping with the thousand of little tasks that needed to be done.  It was so great to spend the day with Anna and my niece Carlee and to give them a taste of what their Grammer Teresa was all about -- beautiful parties and all the special touches!

We wore our Happy Day t-shirts, we hung banners (of course), and the girls assembled the goodie bags

Speaking of goodie bags . . . here are the contents: 

• a stack of recipe cards from our dinner, tied with twine
• a trio of meringues - from Trader Joe's
• two "Happy Day" vinyl stickers - I had these made at Sticker Mule
• two Raffaello coconut candies
• a mini white french farmstyle bucket - from this Etsy shop

All the dishes stacked, ready, and waiting to be set on the outdoor table

I set out a sample place setting and the girls got to work preparing the rest of the 14 place settings.

Lots more to share in the next post! . . . . . . 

someone who believes in you

Today I did something brave.  Stepped outside of my box and put myself out there.

But it almost didn't happen. 

I have been considering this "thing" for a few weeks (sorry for the vagueness - but please stay with me). I even had a friend or two who gave me a vote of confidence that made me feel a little less crazy in even considering it.  But still, I let it sit and mull while other more pressing things took my time.

Today was do or die.  I put it on my to-do list for the day.  But I didn't fully commit myself to see it through.  If it happens, it happens.

As I was exercising at home I turned on a podcast to listen to. 3 in 30 is one of my favorites and today's episode featured April Perry from Power of Moms.  Also one of my favorites.  I've followed her story for some time now.  Her mother developed Alzheimer's a couple years ago and April began the weekly tradition of packing up her kids every Thursday and making the long drive to visit and spend the day with her mom. She has shared many tender stories of her experiences during her mother's decline and loss of memory.  During this time April actually wrote & published a book full of life lessons from her mom.  Thursdays with Zoe: Unforgettable Stories of Alzheimer's, Family, and Faith.

I have always enjoyed her sweet stories and felt an even greater connection with April when her mom, Zoe, passed away just 2-3 weeks after my mom's passing.

In the podcast April relates her story of applying for college and scholarships, receiving the acceptance letter, and her mom's enthusiastic excitement for her.

I was excited to have gotten the scholarship, but the memory I have was the look on her face and how excited she was for me.

She was so so excited for me . . . I just remember as she's hugging me the thought was that, "my mom really believes in me."  I hadn't really believed in myself. To this day I still struggle - who do you think you are to do that?  And my mom was always the one who was my biggest cheerleader, saying - April, you were made for this, you can do this, you've got it all!

That feeling when you have someone who believes in you that much and who cheers you on that much, it gives you a confidence - that - I mean honestly, I can't think of a more beautiful gift.

At this point I'm laying on the ground trying to do hip bridges and I'm sobbing because . . . all those things -- that is exactly what my mom would be saying to me in this exact moment.  She would be encouraging, pushing me to give it a shot.  She would tell me I was made for this.

So with that heavenly nudge, I did it.

Chances are, nothing will come of it. And I'm totally okay with that.

But I know I needed to try.  And my mom is proud that I tried something new.

Those heavenly nudges are real.  And I feel incredibly blessed, grateful, and humbled when I receive them.  Including those times when I am the beneficiary of someone else acting on a nudge.  This darling daffodil notebook and note arrived in the mail today -- mom was doing her handiwork, and someone was attuned enough to hear it. Thank you.

i would tell you

Mom, if I called you today I would tell you . . . 

. . . Conner just attended his first formal dance this weekend!  The prom.  He asked the sweetest girl in a very creative way -- you shouldn't be surprised that it involved Star Wars.  Haha!  So, I always thought that the boys had it easy when it comes to prom.  The girls have to spend so much time on dresses, hair, make-up, etc.  Well, I was wrong!  The getting ready part was easy, oh yes, but the planning . . . the planning! And trying to get a group of teenage boys to communicate and plan together . . . forget about it!  Let's just say there was a lot of mom-nudging.  In the end they planned a great double date and had a fantastic time.  Conner's date wore a beautiful, elegant, modest dress.  Conner was super handsome and a wonderful gentleman.  It's so fun to see him growing up!

. . . Then on Sunday night we had our Stake Young Womanhood Recognition night.  They have been doing this event for several years -- I remember telling you all about it when you were the Stake Young Womens president and connecting you with my friend Susanne (our Stake YW president) so you could pick her brain. It turned out really really well.  I had a lot of fun putting together some decorations.  Everything was pretty simple -- white with elements of natural greenery.  You should have seen me -- Sunday morning I was tromping in my flower beds, wearing my church dress, hair curled, and clipping branches from the olive tree.  Sounds just like something you would do!  Anyways, I think you would have loved to see all the creative touches.

. . . You know firsthand how busy it is to work in the Stake Young Womens . . .  From one activity to the next!  Such is the case for us!  We have a Saturday event for the YW in 2 weeks.  I'm supposed to teach a workshop on Stewardship.   We have a whole nautical theme going on with the word "ship" as part of all our workshops (friendship, worship, etc.)  Got any fabulous ideas for me to make it fun/cute/engaging?  You're always so good at pulling stuff out of your hat!

. . . And because life isn't busy enough, (ha!) I'm also speaking this Saturday at our Stake Women's Conference.  Eek!  Thankfully, it's the same lesson that I gave back in January at a Relief Society night.  With some tweaks and adjustments.  I have some added perspective & experience & inspiration that I'm putting into it.  Wish you could be here to hear it!  I know you would have driven up in a heartbeat to come listen.

. . . Scott started a new job!  He's been training for the past 4 months and officially started 2 weeks ago.  I know how much you worried and prayed for us.  Which is crazy, because you were dealing with much bigger issues. Cancer.  But that's just how you are -- more worried and prayerful about others than yourself.  Anyways, I know you would be relieved to know that things are working out.

. . . I got some new plants for my backyard!  Several months ago my sweet Oregon friends gave me a giftcard to a local nursery and instructed me to use it to get some plants or a tree that remind me of you, or a house plant like a fiddle fig leaf that I could talk to.  Good friends don't judge you when you talk to plants. :)  I went to the nursery a couple weeks ago and spent a whole morning wandering the rows and rows of plants.  I stopped at each one that has made an appearance in your many gardens and took a moment to smile & remember.  I gathered the ones that reminded me the most of you. (And that will grow in my dry desert - sad we can't get hydrangeas or peonies to grow here).  I had such a wonderful time gathering & organizing the plants, standing back to imagine it all together, trying to find the right balance.  It felt so good.  Therapeutic.  At one moment I looked at this grouping in my red wagon, and I had a rush of emotion -- a feeling of connection to you.  And that made me so incredibly happy.

I went home with Wisteria (one of your absolute favorites! It made me so so happy to find that at the nursery), Dusty Miller, Cosmos, Delphinium, and Dianthus.  Oh and some basil and cherry tomato plants too.

I have a morning watering routine, which I am loving.  Please help me keep them alive!

. . . I'm working on something special for your 60th birthday. You told me once that you have never had a birthday party before.  Well, I think that needs to change.  Our trip to The Academy France is giving me some inspiration.  Can you believe that was 2 years ago next month? What a beautiful adventure that was!

. . . The springtime reminds me of our mother-daughter trips because we usually went in April or May. I feel so fortunate that we kept that tradition for so many years. 15 or 16 years, I believe?  BYU Women's Conference, spa trips, Portland trips, spray tans, Broadway shows, The Farm Chicks in Washington, and to top it off with France!  I really miss those special weekends of exploring, taking way too many pictures, and trying new things with you.

. . . Love you.

the poppy skirt

As a general rule, mothers and daughters like to shop together.  Right?

Well, most of the time.  I can think of a few instances, as a teenager, when shopping with my mom felt so incredibly long, boring, or painful. And I know that MY daughter feels that way with me from time to time!  Although Anna recently admitted that she likes to shop for clothes now so I'm thrilled we've crossed that painful hump. 

For the most part, shopping is something my mom and I enjoyed doing together.  Shopping for home stuff, window shopping, vintage shopping, and of course, clothes shopping.

Because of struggles my family endured throughout my growing up years and my little mind having a vague understanding of the tight budget, I never ever asked for clothes.  When we went to a store I never assumed I would get something.  And the idea of begging or pining over something was just absolutely foreign to me and out of the question.

That being said, my mom still found ways to treat me.  When she came home with a new skirt or fun summer outfit or hat (for some reason she sure loved me in hats! It was the 80's/90's.) it was such a thrill!

As I became a married adult and a mom, she still took me on shopping dates.  Each visit home she insisted on a shopping trip.  She would say, "I want to get you something fun."  Sometimes that would be something fun for my house and other times it would be something fun to wear.

On the clothes shopping dates I had to model each outfit for her, of course. She would smile & comment on how cute everything looked on me, sometimes steer me toward something out of my comfort zone, and always make me feel fabulous & special.  Thinking back, I realized that she rarely (if ever) tried anything on herself -- it was all about me.

Last spring as she was planning a party at her home (forever known as "the pineapple party") she was in need of the perfect floral skirt for the event. After much consultation via text & sharing pics, she settled on this beautiful skirt from White House Black Market.

So fitting that it is called the Poppy Skirt.  (She had named her new home where the party would be held, Poppy Hill)

I was visiting in early May 2017 when the skirt arrived at the house one day.  It was beautiful!

Right away she said, "Shannon, I want you to try it on."  What?  I was confused because I knew this skirt was for her and her special event.  But she wanted me to model it so she could figure out how the top would work and what shoes would be needed to pull the whole thing together.  My mom had lost so much weight in the previous 6 months of her cancer treatments that we were now the same size. Additionally, I knew that the shear effort it would take to change in and out of clothes just for fun was too much for her.

So I slipped on the skirt along with a shirt she had made especially for the event (a black scoop neck tee with a gold foil pineapple on the front).  When I came out to model the outfit, her face lit up and she said, "oh my goodness that is so CUTE!"  She kept raving about how adorable it looked on me and while seated in her favorite comfy seat at the dining table she fiddled with the shirt - tying vs. tucking. She sent me back to her closet a few times to search for shoes that might go with the outfit and in the end we came up with an ensemble she was quite happy with.

Something about the way she lit up reminded me of all those shopping trips we enjoyed in the past.  I didn't understand it back then, but now that I have a growing daughter of my own, I get it.  

To watch her grow and develop into a young woman . . . to see her wear something that makes her feel great and the confidence that comes with it . . . to wonder where has the time gone but at the same time marvel at what wonderful things are to come . . . to feel gratitude for the blessing of a beautiful, smart, kind, ambitious daughter who knows who she is and the joy that comes from getting to have a part in her journey . . . 

Can you believe that all of this is possible from a silly skirt and the reflection of dressing room mirrors?

The next day another package arrived from White House Black Market.  It contained the exact same Poppy skirt!  Mom must have ordered it twice, by mistake. During this time she had begun to have some memory issues, so unsupervised online shopping might not have been the best idea. :)  I began to prepare the skirt for mailing it back as a return, but she insisted that I keep it for myself.  It wasn't a cheap skirt, and with those habits of frugality of my childhood ingrained in me I had a hard time accepting. But she relentlessly persisted and finally I took the extra Poppy Skirt home with me.

She wore hers to the pineapple party later that month and looked stunning.

I've kept my skirt and oddly, never quite felt comfortable wearing it.  It's just a piece of clothing, but I felt like this was her special thing -- her big fashion statement at her last big party.  And I didn't want to encroach on that.

It has hung in my closet and finally, this Easter, nearly a year later, I finally felt ready to wear it.

And I felt a piece of her with me.

Her unmistakable sense of style.  Her poppies. Her compliments & adoring smile.

And --- she would be so so proud and delighted to see me wearing pointy toed heels!  Haha!  We used to have a debate about this -- she likes pointy toes, I liked a more rounded toe.  But as time has gone on, I've come around and embraced the pointy style. 

Once again, she was right!

daffodils for mom

In October we visited the cabin and planted several dozen daffodil bulbs, adding to the large planting my mom had done 2 years previous.  

Since the new year, I've been planning to make another trip to the cabin during spring break.  Oh, how I hoped that by some miracle of chance the daffodils would be blooming during our visit! The weather at the cabin in the week before our visit was cold and snowy.  So I lowered my expectations.  But there was still a glimmer of hope.

Monday afternoon we pulled up to the cabin and what did my eyes see . . . . 

Daffodils!  They weren't blooming yet, but to see the green stems working their way up to the light filled me with such a thrill!

On Wednesday morning I woke up thinking about mom.  It was exactly 6 months since her passing. At the cabin it is easy to think about her.  Everything you see, feel, experience there . . . it just feels like a big hug. And she gave some really good hugs.

I went out to the daffodil garden and clipped the best buds I could find and gathered them in a mason jar.  Later that day we cleaned and closed up the cabin and made our way toward's my parents house.  But first, we stopped at the cemetery to visit mom's grave (my first time there since the funeral) and leave her with some daffodils.

The kids and I ended up sitting on the ground around her grave . . . the grass is still making feeble attempts to grow in that spot.  A simple marker bears her name as we await the completion of her headstone.  We talked about Christ.  The resurrection.  We talked about miracles and healings.  Payton, who had prepared our Easter devotional that day, shared the story of Jesus raising the daughter of Jairus from the dead.  We talked about trials and testimony and growth.  I also remarked on what an amazing circumstance this is that we would be visiting California on the 6 month mark of mom's passing, we would get to visit her grave on that very day, the daffodils were blooming, AND it was Easter week.  So many milestones and connections pulled together at once.

This Easter week really has been a meaningful time to think about the purpose death and the HOPE that is possible because of Jesus Christ. I believe and hold onto that hope with a firm grasp.

At the same time I will not hesitate to tell you how much I hate the fact that she is gone. At times I get frustrated because in my mind she should be here with us. I still need her. I miss her terribly. But I also cannot mistake or disregard the fact that I have personally grown and learned by leaps & bounds and my testimony has been strengthened & built in ways that may not have been possible, with such intensity, had it not been for this.  

Life is so hard and beautiful at the same time.

I'm trying to work harder on finding the beauty.  To seek out the happy & delights as she would.  Everyday I get on my knees and pray for her influence & example to guide me, and I pray that I might be so blessed to have the gift of feeling her presence near.  

Our Father in Heaven is kind and aware.  And I am so grateful.

team teresa

I've been meaning to share this story for quite some time.  The goodness of so many people overwhelms me and this is just another wonderful example.

Early in September 2017 my friend Lena (who is also the Relief Society president in my ward) texted me and said, "hey - we were discussing something at our presidency meeting, and I want to call you and see what you think."  Sure.  So we got on the phone later that night. And told me that in October there was going to be a 5K for the Nevada Childhood Cancer Foundation (there is also a man in our ward who helps coordinate the event).  She then shared that they (the Relief Society Presidency) discussed at their meeting a desire to put together a team to run in the 5K . . . and they would like to do it in honor of my mom.  And call it -- Team Teresa.

I was so incredibly surprised, and touched that these women, who didn't even know my mom would want to honor her in that way.  But because they knew me, and loved me, and understood what she meant to me. . . they wanted to do this to show their support and how much they care about me.

(I thought that by writing this story 5 months later I would be okay - but no, there are tears streaming down my face!)

Truly, my heart was so touched by this gesture.  This was the first in what became a series of kindnesses and service over the next weeks, months - when we needed it most - that gave me a true testimony of this quote by President Kimball -- 

"God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs"

We picked a team color - blue.  For the longest time I've had this little idea to make t-shirts to wear for my mom, and this was just the push I needed.  So I designed some simple t-shirts with her trademark phrase - "Happy Day" and the hashtag #happydaysforteresa - and opened it up to anyone who might want one.  I ended up getting orders for 130+ shirts and was just blown away by the response from family, friends, and even strangers!  

Race day was Saturday, October 14th.  Just 2 weeks and 2 days after her passing. When we planned the event, we didn't know she would be gone at this point.  Everything was still felt very fresh. Looking back at the pictures from this day, I'm instantly pulled back to how heavy I felt.  Heavy, yet there was a feeling of floating . . . a fog.  Just letting life happen around me while I was focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

And with caring, smiling people around me those steps were a little bit easier to take.

Kristi, and her friend, me & Anna, Ellis (Kristi's daughter), Sam, Katie

Lena & Jason and Rachel, Tyson, Easton, Myra

John and kids Curtis, Alessia, Micah, Gianluca (their mom Kristine helped organize the team but she was out of town on race day)

Jenny & Dave and Sam & his friends

Maria, Emily, and Michael were there to cheer us on

And there were others who couldn't make it that day.

I even have one long-time blog reader . . . friend . . . who ordered one of those happy day shirts and ran for my mom remotely at her home on the Faroe Islands. (Google it -- it is gorgeous!)

If only mom could have seen this day, she would have been so touched and overwhelmed ..... people loving her from Nevada to Europe .... wearing her shirt ... truly a "Happy Day!"  

At the starting line . . . I was filled with so much gratitude!

One thing you should know about me is, I am not a runner.  I'm more of a walk/jogger. But I "trained" for this the best I could and I was pretty proud of myself for accomplishing the time that I did.  31.25

This was also Anna's first 5K and she was a beast coming in at 27.06!  I told her she needs to do more 5K events and she liked that idea.

Side story:  I say that I'm not a runner, well .... Scott REALLY is not a runner.  He and the two boys registered up for the one mile fun walk.  And they did the whole thing with sodas in their hands. It was pretty hilarious!  They started the race in runner's position and went off at a sprint for the first 10 seconds.  And they also ended the fun walk by running through the finish line like champions.  With their sodas.  Oh dear!  I have a video and it cracks me up everytime!

We gave hugs at the finish line and soon everyone parted with an invitation to come to our house later that evening for a s'mores party.  I'm so grateful for those who came up with this idea.  Who showed up and ran.  For those who wore her t-shirt and still wear it today.  So many honest to goodness, beautiful hearts.  It sure has taught me so much about compassion and how to show it and how to be there for someone. Truly, truly grateful.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Prior to the race everyone received a small swag packet from the race organizers.  Before those were distributed to our team I put together a little something extra to include. I wanted everyone to get a small taste, a small feeling for who my mom is.  

The packet included

• Ghirardelli chocolates - sea salt caramel - in blue packaging to match our team color
• Blue paper straws and Crystal light drink powder that I attached together with washi tape
• A photo of my mom along with a quote from her blog and a message of thanks -- these were also distributed with all of the Happy Day t-shirt orders
• A bookmark/notecard with more quotes from her blog and a quick bio about my mom and a link to her blog on the back.
• A thank you card and invitation to join us for s'mores

I'm pretty sure my mom would have done something just like this.  I'm always trying to channel her thoughtfulness and creativity. I was happy with how it came together - simple and cute.

In case you need a dose of happy today . . . visit her blog and scroll through the archives Teresa's blog

grammer teresa memories

Pictures have incredible power.  They bring us back to moments in time in a way that heightens our memories -- not just the moment visualized in the photo, but also the circumstances around it, the feelings towards the people we were with, our senses (tastes, smells, touch), our emotions that day ....  They remind us of things we might have forgotten.  Such an incredible gift!

Even though my kids were teenagers when my mom passed I still worried that memories might slip away too easily. For the funeral we gathered nearly 200 photos of my mom and I knew right away that I wanted to compile a photo album for each of my kids (and each grandchild) so that through photos, they could keep her memory - the feeling of Grammer - fresh in their minds.

This Christmas I did just that. 

I used Chatbooks to make these small 6x6 photobooks.  I have used the Chatbooks app for a long time to compile my Instagram photos into books.  For this project I went to their website and created a custom book.  I chose the Rifle Paper Co. cover art because it just felt like mom.  Doesn't it?

Each book starts with this cover page

Grammer Teresa loves a lot of things

She LOVES Papa Dan. She loves being a mom to her 5 kids -- your aunt Shannon and uncles Sam, Kent, Denver, and Mason.

Grammer loves fall leaves and spring flowers and Christmas traditions and Easter egg hunts and Thanksgiving competitions and 4th of July fireworks.

She loves pretty things, and antique things, and old French things. Grammer loves planning parties, throwing parties, and thinking about any and all reasons to celebrate.

Grammer loves gardening, flowers, and working outside. She loves painting, and projects, and creating a beautiful home.

Grammer loves the temple and Jesus Christ. She loves missionaries and temple weddings and choosing the right.

Grandma loves adventures, exploring, and trying new things.

She loves writing on her blog, taking pictures, and finding a HAPPY DAY everyday.

Grammer loves sending happy mail, hanging happy day banners, and making people feel special & loved.

Grammer Teresa loves a lot of things.

But she really, really loves being your Grammer.

She loves you . . . . . your stories, your drawings & notes, your cute face, your smell, your squishy hugs, your ideas & dreams . . .

. . . . and most of all she loves you because you are KIND.

.

.

.

I made a different set of photobooks for each family.  For the most part, all photobooks included the same photos of my mom. But each family's edition included a gathering of pictures that were specific to them -- pictures of their kids with Grammer.   Here is a look at what some of the pages looked like for our family . . . 

 In the back of the book I created several blank "MEMORIES" pages.  I hope the kids use them to write down their memories of Grammer.

All 13 grandchildren have their own personal copy of this book. My kids keep theirs on a shelf or nightstand in their rooms.  In my heart, I hope that they pull it out from time to time and look at the photos.  I hope that the littlest ones flip through their photo book and are as familiar with her face and the stories (told, remembered, or imagined) as they are with the pages of any other storybook on their shelves.

The grandkids range in age from 2 - 17, with 2 more on the way this year.  My heart hurts a little for the youngest of the grandkids who will not have tangible memories of their amazing, loving, beautiful grandma.  I sure hope that these photos along with the stories that their parents tell will help to keep her memory alive for them.

My grandpa Rene passed away when I was 3 years old.  Remarkably, I actually have 2 very small memories of him.  Because of the stories my grandma Margaret, my dad, his siblings, and my mom told about him . . . I truly feel like I know him.  I have always loved having that feeling.

 

Anyone else bawl in the theater when they said this line at the end of the movie?